Femininity

[jessicatheviking]

Hey, new story!!!

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It's weird. One day I realized that in all of my dreams, I can't verify my gender or my sex. That really struck me. I mean, I am a man right? At least that's what I've always thought. But then as I really started paying attention, it started to become clear that that might not be the case. I mean why was I so comfortable chatting it up with a group of girls and they would accept me as one of their own? I could even watch what most would consider, 'girly', shows and really enjoy them. And even late at night after my wife had gone to bed I would stay up, listen to music, and eventually... even though I would never admit it to anyone, I needed to cry. Like a lot. It was an emotional catharsis for me.

Holding back judgment on myself, I started to try to take a more observational perspective on me as a person. One of the things I did at this point was to really stop and think about my choices of entertainment. I mean, what did I really truly like?

I remember watching an interview with James Hetfield from Metallica where he explained what it was like for him to go through rehab. If I remember right he said that they 'tore him down to the bone' and then started building him back up with all of the good stuff and trying to leave out the bad. During that stage he said that it was weird because he started having to really think about the things he liked and the things he didn't. He realized that a lot of the things he thought he had liked in the past largely revolved around his addiction behavior and he really had to relearn what he truly liked.

It's not that I thought that I was some sort of addict, but I did wonder if I had built up some sort of image as a "man" that I thought I had to live up to. I mean I love Metallica for real but I also love Dua Lipa. God her voice is freaking amazing when she covers Etta James!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the more I explored my femininity the more I was comfortable with it and started wondering if that was who I really am.

At the same time my wife was struggling with her own questions about her femininity.

[jessicatheviking]

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