IS GREED GOOD?

giantgirl7foot2 · January 13, 2021, 08:43:00 PM

I liked the story and the body reference!

Secretly, I'm hoping for an epilogue.

giantgirl7foot2 · January 13, 2021, 08:43:00 PM

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Jarhead300099 · January 14, 2021, 12:32:56 AM

Yea the ending was kind of anticlimactic ngl. It was building up so well and then just. Blam. Over. You said there was two years between this and that, maybe we see what happens when she catches up with him two years later? Maybe she appologizes for raping him and they try again? I want a happy ending. This was not a happy ending

derekr · January 14, 2021, 01:58:59 AM

Would love to see more of this one. Great story.

qaz · January 14, 2021, 11:40:23 AM

Well the story is made to end this way. A happy ending in there seems forced to me, so there's not gonna be one.

Anyway, my longer more realistic stories are going to be less tragic as well.

giantgirl7foot2 · January 14, 2021, 01:56:49 PM

I'm not saying that the epilogue should be happy! I was just saying that I really liked the last part and wouldn't mind reading that she'd gotten even bigger and even more self absorbed two years later.

In any case, looking forward to reading more of your stories!

qaz · January 14, 2021, 04:53:39 PM

oh, btw, I've just discovered that I've misspelled "strength" all over the place, hope wasn't a big issue

HumanPersonBeing · January 14, 2021, 05:53:46 PM

You're a good writer, but this ending feels unsatisfying. I'm left with many questions. Such as:

How big has she gotten? Is there a limit to her growth? If so, what is it?

Has she become famous because of her physique or is she keeping it secret? Is she looking for the main character? What is she going to do when she finds him?

Has she found out about him slipping her that drug (real missed opportunity that she didn't)? If so, how does she feel about it? Is she okay with it? (Doubtful) Does she want revenge? Maybe she slips him some drug, like one that keeps him hard longer?

I don't need all of these questions answered. But the fact that none of them (especially about her finding about the drug) are leaves me unsatisfied.

But that's my opinion! And I'm still looking forward to your next work regardless.

ame3cv62 · January 14, 2021, 06:23:20 PM

I myself wouldnt refuse any of that.

qaz · January 14, 2021, 11:17:38 PM

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You're a good writer, but this ending feels unsatisfying. I'm left with many questions. Such as:

How big has she gotten? Is there a limit to her growth? If so, what is it?

Has she become famous because of her physique or is she keeping it secret? Is she looking for the main character? What is she going to do when she finds him?

Has she found out about him slipping her that drug (real missed opportunity that she didn't)? If so, how does she feel about it? Is she okay with it? (Doubtful) Does she want revenge? Maybe she slips him some drug, like one that keeps him hard longer?

I don't need all of these questions answered. But the fact that none of them (especially about her finding about the drug) are leaves me unsatisfied.

But that's my opinion! And I'm still looking forward to your next work regardless.

Thank you for this kind of feedback.
Obviously now that you've raised those points I wish to give a few headers. As everybody I think, I like to talk about and explain my writing.

In few words
1)I tried to keep the structure of this story as simple as possible, to complete it in a manageable amount of time. So I focused on just the progression of the main theme.
2)I wrote about what I am specifically into

Point per point (cause it's easier):

She's never going to stop growing, I think it's implied, but at some point she's gonna die from getting into serious trouble or from her body failing to cope with too many muscles. Anyway, it is outside of the scope of my story.
I didn't write episodes where she was bigger, because "as big as Katie Lee" is really the last stage at which I would consider her body to be totally hot.

For famous vs secret: as above, outside the scope of what I wanted to explore. The story is only about the relationship between Frank and Clara, and the evolution of Clara.

I don't really see this as an opportunity. Clara's character is built around her not being aware that her hunger for muscles is caused by something else. The drug replaces her personality with her obsession, gradually, she BECOMES her obsession. By the end she is not even a person anymore, but a personification of greed. I wanted her to abandon herself completely and naturally to this path and explore that. I feel like her knowing about the drug would ruin this picture. (OK I wasn't able to think about something better than a drug to use as the catalyst).
About the magic viagra... I'm just not into it. (plus I think that showing Frank no being able to satisfy Clara is a needed piece of the plot).

So yeah, this story was all about one central concept, and it was rushed and minimalist, I understand it can leave your mouth dry on some aspects.

HumanPersonBeing · January 15, 2021, 02:39:14 AM

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2)I wrote about what I am specifically into

Lol. Totally understandable!

Personally I prefer the woman (or women) to grow bigger than the biggest male bodybuilders, but if that's not something you're into, that's not something you're going to write well. It's for the best that you write what you prefer to write and not pander to your imagined audience, because you can't be completely sure what they'd like. And you can't please everyone!

Still, I feel that our protagonist might have gotten off easy. I prefer happy endings (because it's our fetish -- why shouldn't we portray it in a positive light), but the guy kind of crossed an ethical line by altering his girlfriend's personality like that. Then again, I don't know what his punishment should be. I'm not fond of the murderous women who often appear in these stories.

jhunter · January 15, 2021, 02:43:48 AM

An interesting ending, the greedy one makes it away unless a follow up story comes in the future. Good read.

Jaguar · March 31, 2021, 03:26:26 AM

qaz,

You should do as you have done, write what you are driven to write.

Not every story is going to be an HEA (happily ever after). Variety is the spice of life.

Some of the best stories and series leave the reader/viewer wanting more.

Brfan seems to have a similar problem, people like me wanting his stories to continue longer and complaining when they don't.

It shows we love what you've written!

We're all very grateful for what you've written. It is a wonderful story.

And you gave it an unusual ending. Great stuff! I'm anxious to read your next work.

Keep writing, you're very good at it.

Even if you later switch genres, keep writing!

phil123 · April 02, 2021, 06:01:23 AM

Surprising end. And I hope they would see again and we get to know much bigger she got

qaz · April 02, 2021, 05:32:47 PM

Thank you for the kind words Jaguar.
I'm slowly working on the other stories, but yeah, it's going to take a while

blackhope96 · April 03, 2021, 08:07:52 PM