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Forum Saradas  |  Female BodyBuilding & Fitness & Figure - Members Area  |  General Chat  |  Similarly Stuck - but married, her views have changed over the years - advice?
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Author Topic: Similarly Stuck - but married, her views have changed over the years - advice?  (Read 832 times)

Online tate1

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Similar to the other gentlemen.

When I met my wife, I told her of my love for muscle women. She'd even watch contests on TV with me. After we married, she still let me get the female muscle mags, and even glanced at them. Now she doesn't like it and doesn't like that I look at it.

So, been hiding it.

Besides totally giving it up, any thoughts/advice?




Offline larky368

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Maybe she truly thought that she was OK with it or possibly her attitude simply changed over time. A lot of women marry with the intention of smoothing out the rough edges. If you told her about your fetish then you're not to blame however, it's not about who is right and who is wrong is it?

Aside from certain people's girlfriends most women do not like their men getting off on other women. You might want to point out to her that men are gregarious and are hard-wired to have lots of sex with multiple partners whereas women are wired to reproduce. The fact is that we live in a society where the best way to raise children is with one man and one woman in a monogamous relationship. This may sound crude but men get the short end of the stick when they marry. Women get the protection and assistance from a partner to help her raise her babies. Men get a guarantee of safe sex but have to settle down and work their asses off to support their families.

I have always believed that the greatest expression of love is through sacrifice. It's about caring more for the other person than yourself. If for instance you say you love someone and want to marry but are reluctant to if it means moving to another city because it's inconvenient then you're thinking about yourself and so it's possibly a sign that the marriage might not work out.

There is going to have to be a compromise or a sacrifice. You could diplomatically point out to your wife that she knew what she was dealing with when you told her all about it then get her to elaborate on what it is that she objects to. And don't be too surprised if she just says she doesn't like that she is not enough to satisfy you. It's not an unreasonable reaction. What was unreasonable was stringing you along into believing that you could continue with your fetish and then pulling the rug out from under you. But that ship has sailed.

You could try to appeal to her reasonableness and point out that she was OK with it at first and that it's normal for men to think about other women. But you are probably going to be required to give it up. When I was engaged I got caught looking at porn and ended up throwing it all in the dumpster. It actually helped me perform better with her but we broke up soon after on an unrelated matter.

You could always just keep it a secret. It's really none of her business as long as it doesn't have any negative effects on the relationship. You are not cheating on her. Hell, I'm sure she has often wondered if you are thinking about fbb's when you are having sex. Is that cheating as well? Again, it's none of her business. The only problem is if she finds out then you are the liar and the villain. Never mind that she was not being honest when she said she was OK with it.

What else is there to say? If you go out once a week to play hockey with the boys and  have a few beers after does that mean it's because you don't want to be with her? If you spend hours a week reading books does that mean you want to shut her out and live in a fantasy world? Do these activities mean that she is not enough? If you are at the beach and an insanely gorgeous woman in a string bikini walks by are you supposed to not look and pretend that your not interested because you've got all you need right beside you? She should be worried if you didn't want to look.

I feel for you man. Hope something I've said will help.

Online tate1

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What you wrote was very helpful. I appreciate it. I also hope it helps others who might be in my situation.

It feels bad to hide it, but my thoughts/desires/leanings are what they are.
I got rid of a bunch of stuff once, but then started collecting again since those thoughts/etc. never changed.

Unfortunately, most women are not visually stimulated, so they don't always understand. I'm never going to leave her. Though I may be slightly disappointed that she doesn't look like what I'm looking at, that doesn't change the fact that I still love and care for her, and will never leave her.

Thanks again.

Offline flexomatic

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What you wrote was very helpful. I appreciate it. I also hope it helps others who might be in my situation.

It feels bad to hide it, but my thoughts/desires/leanings are what they are.
I got rid of a bunch of stuff once, but then started collecting again since those thoughts/etc. never changed.

Unfortunately, most women are not visually stimulated, so they don't always understand. I'm never going to leave her. Though I may be slightly disappointed that she doesn't look like what I'm looking at, that doesn't change the fact that I still love and care for her, and will never leave her.

Thanks again.

What I don't understand (also with the other poster):
Have you never tried anything muscle related with her? Looking at other women and then having musclr unrelated sex would never work for me, while any girl really can flex her muscles (skinny girls are defined, hefty girls have natural muscle, what's not to like?).
Is that not a possibility for her? It's not about that she needs to look like an fbb - but it's taking the focus away from porn and moves it directly to her. Being the centre of attention will definitely make her happy. Even if it's at the expense of flexing her muscles (not even working out), she might be happier with it. And so will you.

Offline 009eli

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I'm going to throw an idea out here that may not be too popular. Does anyone think that in some root cause, the fetish may actually derive from fear of intimacy.

Could a more homeopathic view not be about having a relationship that allows for fetishes, but having fetishes which allow for relationships?

Offline flexomatic

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I'm going to throw an idea out here that may not be too popular. Does anyone think that in some root cause, the fetish may actually derive from fear of intimacy.

Could a more homeopathic view not be about having a relationship that allows for fetishes, but having fetishes which allow for relationships?

I don't think so. There are plenty of intimacy issues with people without fetishes, and at least for me I can say that a relationship without intimacy is not worth pursuing.
This suggests that the two things are not related.
However, narcissism is prevalent in body centered sports, and narcissism does come with fear of intimacy. This applies to both sexes, btw.

Offline Bugenhagen

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I'm going to throw an idea out here that may not be too popular. Does anyone think that in some root cause, the fetish may actually derive from fear of intimacy.

Could a more homeopathic view not be about having a relationship that allows for fetishes, but having fetishes which allow for relationships?



Can you break this down a little more? Specifically your "homeopathic view."

I've more recently considered that my fetish is an easy way to shirk intimacy after reading "The Truth" by Neil Strauss, and I certainly can remember times when I used it as such. Only recently have I considered my muscle fetish as the tip of an iceberg of an attraction to feminine power in many forms (though not so much dominance toward myself).  So there's always new layers to uncover within oneself and I'd love to better understand what you wrote.


Offline flexomatic

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after reading "The Truth" by Neil Strauss,

Uuhhh.... seriously? Ex-Con (pick-up artist) cons you into buying the book with the boldest title...  well, if it helped...
I hope you learned something about self-insight, not something "from some guy" that helped you.

You are not your thoughts. You are also not your thoughts about those thoughts. You are the being that is able to be aware and conscious.
This cannot change emotions directly, but awareness can help channel them.

But seriously, there is no "this or that is bad for this or that" in general. Except being untruthful, that is not really helping.

Offline 009eli

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I'm going to throw an idea out here that may not be too popular. Does anyone think that in some root cause, the fetish may actually derive from fear of intimacy.

Could a more homeopathic view not be about having a relationship that allows for fetishes, but having fetishes which allow for relationships?



Can you break this down a little more? Specifically your "homeopathic view."

I've more recently considered that my fetish is an easy way to shirk intimacy after reading "The Truth" by Neil Strauss, and I certainly can remember times when I used it as such. Only recently have I considered my muscle fetish as the tip of an iceberg of an attraction to feminine power in many forms (though not so much dominance toward myself).  So there's always new layers to uncover within oneself and I'd love to better understand what you wrote.

Hey, sorry I didn’t respond sooner. All I mean was their is some talk about can the ‘fetish’ be brought into the relationship? But what if the fetish is actually antithetical to the relationship. Meaning by its nature they can’t really co-exist.

There’s some posts here saying ‘I feel addicted to muscular women.’ But I think this can also be unpacked a little more. What does that mean? Does it mean you are spending all your free time hanging out with your muscular female friends and can’t get anything done? Or does it mean more that you are addicted to pleasuring yourself to the images of muscular women via the internet? Because if it’s the later then what you’re really addicted to is pornography and it doesn’t really matter the specifics of your fetish is, the same way that it doesn’t matter if an alcoholic drinks is a wine drinker or prefers vodka. Or if a member of Nar-Anon does coke or smack. The diagnosis and treatment would more be along the lines of what pain are you using the addiction to avoid and numb.

Maybe it’s not intimacy, maybe its something else. Or maybe there is no problem to begin with and you just think looking at muscular women is fun. That’s fine too. Only you as an individual know how much its effecting your life.

I will say I’m not an expert on any of this but the one thing I do know is that there is no way to get past an addiction by moving deeper into it. There is no drink that will ever make you feel drunk enough or hit that will make you feel high enough. If you do think there’s an addiction the only way I can think of to get past it is to move in the opposite direction. That’s all I meant.

Offline Bugenhagen

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I'm picking up what you're putting down. Thanks for explaining.

Online tate1

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What you wrote was very helpful. I appreciate it. I also hope it helps others who might be in my situation.

It feels bad to hide it, but my thoughts/desires/leanings are what they are.
I got rid of a bunch of stuff once, but then started collecting again since those thoughts/etc. never changed.

Unfortunately, most women are not visually stimulated, so they don't always understand. I'm never going to leave her. Though I may be slightly disappointed that she doesn't look like what I'm looking at, that doesn't change the fact that I still love and care for her, and will never leave her.

Thanks again.

What I don't understand (also with the other poster):
Have you never tried anything muscle related with her? Looking at other women and then having musclr unrelated sex would never work for me, while any girl really can flex her muscles (skinny girls are defined, hefty girls have natural muscle, what's not to like?).
Is that not a possibility for her? It's not about that she needs to look like an fbb - but it's taking the focus away from porn and moves it directly to her. Being the centre of attention will definitely make her happy. Even if it's at the expense of flexing her muscles (not even working out), she might be happier with it. And so will you.

Thought I replied to this, sorry.

We used to look at bodybuilding women together. But that stopped. But my love of fbbs hasn't.
No, she doesn't have to look like a FBB, Fitness, or nothing. But I shouldn't have to feel ashamed for looking. But I know that she doesn't like me looking, so I will continue to hide it, unfortunately.

Thanks for your words.

Online fighterpilot909

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I would definitely say I have a fear of intimacy. You can see it in the small trail of failed potential relationships that might have happened save for the fact that I was suddenly terrified of being even emotionally intimate with those women. It's something I'm working on, and spending less time with muscle, though having allowances.

Offline 009eli

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I would definitely say I have a fear of intimacy. You can see it in the small trail of failed potential relationships that might have happened save for the fact that I was suddenly terrified of being even emotionally intimate with those women. It's something I'm working on, and spending less time with muscle, though having allowances.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Probably 98% of guys have it and 96.5% of women. Just means your human.

Offline knufflschmoe

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best would be ,of course, make her starting BB herself and make her becoming the dream in flesh,
so no more the separation between the "real" world with average bodies ,and the dream world of women superheroes
mostly in the web
- but I know stays mostly a dream  even if you are bodybuilder for yourself or very wealthy, FBB still are a rare species ...

Forum Saradas  |  Female BodyBuilding & Fitness & Figure - Members Area  |  General Chat  |  Similarly Stuck - but married, her views have changed over the years - advice?
 

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