The Secret

[taoschild]

I made no advances on Felicity despite what became routine massages, but if she had made an offer I would have succumbed completely. Even that, I knew was wrong, but I seemed to be powerless to resist. She was a drug and with every massage, I became more enraptured with her. Closing my eyes, I could see her every detail as if it were emblazoned on my psyche. Imposing, thick veins snaked across her dark and evenly tanned skin physique. After every workout sweat traced her expansive, curved edges as if highlighting her chiseled blocks of rigid power. She was all woman, but explosive, and powerful.

She oozed sex appeal and something told me that even though I was almost twice her age if I'd made a play, she would have succumbed. The idea of laying with such a woman, feeling her power, squeezing her taut hard frame as she squeezed me and demonstrated her physical superiority entranced me. Somehow, I resisted.

I tried to convince myself that I was just looking. Window shopping is okay, right? But I couldn't remove the image of her muscle-ridden physique out of my head and her body became an obsession. I went home and looked her up online and downloaded every stage picture of her to my computer. I searched her nude and was unable to find anything substantial so I went rogue and fully immersed myself into the waters of desire.

Spending my waking hours looking up muscular women, categorizing and downloading their pictures obsession became the rule for me. I became familiar with chat rooms, message boards, and anything dealing with female bodybuilders. Eventually, my fingers found the familiar keywords search phrases "nude bodybuilder women," "female muscle nude," "dominant female muscle" or "female muscle clit" on their own. I attributed the deep dive to the years of keeping my muscle fantasies a secret and was guilt-ridden regarding Mary. Part of me knew she suspected and when she asked if she was fit enough for me, I praised her physique effusively -- but I knew better. As much as I loved Mary with my brain and my heart, my cock wanted a different woman. Thankfully, somehow my brain won the battle and fought against me doing anything outright immoral. Felicity would remain an object of my desire, but I wouldn't break my vows to Mary.

Finally one night, I wrote a plea to Mary in my journal.  Yeah, I'm still one of those few men who write in their journals. In the previous few years, the entries had been scant but it was a place where I could share my secret without fear of reprisals. The secret that I'd kept from her and spawned another, lowered my self-esteem and left me carrying a hefty load of shame along with rabid desires on a daily basis. To the reader, the entry was a call for help and a revelation.

Why am I this way? Was I born this way or do I like muscular women because of some childhood event? For this, I have no answer only questions

What I know: I love the fact that they have crafted, through their own hard work, amazing bodies that hold tremendous power. I love their hardness. I love the curves and symmetry that muscles develop on them.

Why do I hold this secret and tell nobody? Because I'm scared. Scared of what people will think - scared of how people will act - scared of who's feelings I'll hurt. How would Mary feel to know that though I love her intensely, and we have sexual chemistry - but the body she inhabits is not 'the one' of my dreams.

I want her to be uncommonly muscular, - Great slabs of dense, mature muscle radiating across her body creating an almost freakish geometry of swells. Every cord of throbbing pumped flesh would expand beyond mine and dance in symphony with her slightest movements.

More than that, I want her to be far stronger than me, - the visceral power radiating off her would intimidate and humble me.  In the bedroom, she'd be aggressive and needy using me as the reward for her hard labor in the weight room. I envision her getting home after a long hard workout, veins pumping over her hardened sweaty muscle, protein shake in hand, lying on the bed, spread eagle, uttering the phrase "pleasure me," in her deep commanding voice.

I want her to be my physical superior in every way- and it will never be because I have no right to impose my desires on her. I'm scared of what she will think of me and if she will feel bad if I even tell her. Why am I so scared? I'm ashamed. So, I will go on happy but unfulfilled constantly dreaming of the She-Hulk that isn't to be.

When I finished, I intentionally left my journal unlocked and out on top of my desk. Perhaps she would read it and we'd be forced to have the conversation. Mary was so respectful of my privacy though so I figured it was highly unlikely, but it felt good writing it down. It was as close as I could go to allow her to unlock my secret, my pleasure, my passion, and my shame.

[taoschild]

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[Sounder9-]

Nice update! You can really tell that while his obsession has taken hold of him he is still faithful and at the same time trying to give hints as well.

[phil123]

Now his secret will not be his secret anymore. Cant't wait to read what Mary will do with the secret. Perhaps she had a simular secret.

[taoschild]

Sorry guys, I've been busy.  Here is another tiny segment.
-----
Almost daily interaction with Felicity brought a cacophony of emotions to the surface along with a cascade of want. I read philosophy, conducted some online therapy, and even considered trying to find a way to let Felicity go. Deciding that firing her would be my personal failing and probably grounds for a lawsuit I finally decided instead to find a way to say no to her.

One philosopher that I read had concluded that "those who successfully hold themselves back from intense pleasure and pain" which Felicity surely caused on a daily basis "would achieve a kind of serene independence from the passions rather than gratify some deep or pressing desire." Was that what the monks of the past tried to do? Didn't I have the emotional strength to resist her within me? Clearly so far it had not manifested itself, but I decided I would have to try.

Thinking about standing up to her in any fashion often cascaded out of control. Often it involved sitting at my desk visualizing what she could do to me physically. I imagined her in the weight room, veins swelling on her sweat-soaked muscles, rising in a tremendous pump as she repeatedly raised and lowered fifty-pound dumbbells. Grunting and straining like the man in the room, she'd pound rep after rep while I was beside her pumping pink fifteen pounders. "Now," she'd command, as her glistening body needed relief. I'd drop my 'weights' and wipe her brow and then spot her as her shaking muscles inflated like a balloon.

Try as I might to extricate myself from her shadow, a simple word or bulge beneath her thin skin and I'd be entranced.  Like a moth to a flame, I found myself beside her desk finding a way to encourage her to talk about her strength and muscle while tracing her hard curves with my eyes.

"I overheard you talking about your workout tomorrow with your trainer.  It sounds like a brutal one" I said, dropping a file on her desk, in an almost desperate maneuver to have her talk about it. She smiled at me and it felt like my whole body grew lighter, my chest thumping in anticipation of her answer. She brushed her fingers through her hair, the callouses on her palms providing some friction with movement, causing her biceps to twitch and flare. Sweaty, vein-filled biceps shimmered, filled with raw unadulterated power. My fingers longed to trace the fat vein running across the peak God, your gorgeous.

"Yeah, Jason is putting me through a grinder tomorrow. He likes to shake up my endless reps where I tense my muscles without a break with occasional heavy days where I go hard and fast. Tomorrow, I'm maxing out on everything. You might have to carry me in here tomorrow," she laughed. "Of course I'm pushing two hundred now," she laughed again. "Can you lift that kind of weight?"

I laughed, "probably not, what about you?" God, I say the dumbest things.

"Sure, benching, squatting, deadlifts, and probably even shoulder presses. I guess we'll see tomorrow. You'll have to come to watch me some time, boss."  I'd totally lose it.

[taoschild]

It seems like the interest in this story is fading so I'll take a little break and come back to it after I work on DnD.  Thanks again everyone for your support for my books and random writings here. Have a great holiday season. Here is one more small section
----
The next day, Felicity trudged back in the office lacking energy for the first time in as long as I could remember. She'd been wasted by a brutal workout.

"I barely made it in, boss. I'm wiped." Imposing, thick veins snaked across her dark and evenly tanned physique.  Everywhere thick muscles bulged as if she could crush boulders with her brute force. Scanning the twisted muscularity rising from her frame, I longed to devour her imagining her as perfect as the first bite into a block of dark chocolate. My desire for her was overwhelming I was worried about my ability to resist her charm, even if she wasn't purposefully using it on me.

When she marched into my office, stretched back across my desk, and playfully looked up at me asking for her usual shoulder massage, I literally shook in fear. She said it as if she owned both the desk and me.

"Hey boss, I could use a little kneading from your magic hands if you have a minute. My arms and shoulders are aching just after that workout. I did the two hundred you asked for my shoulders too." She twisted her shoulders back and forth momentarily displaying the hard and imposing muscle rising from her frame like a mountain. My eyes locked on to her helplessly as she smiled confidently. Placing her palms flat against the desk in a deep stretch, I was forced to look up at her bulging forearms, triceps, delts, and traps. Shuddered visibly, this time I was entirely unable to hide my awe at her size and power. Her grin told me she saw it too. She was either already bigger than just weeks before or more massively pumped than I'd ever seen her. Traps seemed to explode up to her neck calling for my hands' attention.

Teeth chattering, goosebumps cascading across my frame I diverted my eyes from her magnificence and huffed, barely audibly. "No, I...I...I... think I'm too busy today."

She cocked her head momentarily in disbelief. Then, she brought her hand to her chin and flexed her bicep as she considered my answer. A swell of muscle more reminiscent of a mountain rising from a great chasm, throbbed and bulged before assuming a perfectly rounded shape, drawing my eyes like a moth to a flame. My brief attempt at looking away now hopelessly fizzled, my gaze  locked onto her exactly as she wanted. "Okay," she said, as if scolding me, "well if you can't be bothered to massage me I may have to knock off early and take care of some errands. I picked up a client and the gym today and need to check in with them." It wasn't like Felicity was a poor secretary, but when she didn't get what she wanted from me she pouted and knew I was helpless to counteract her. This was but another example.

Again, I found the fortitude from somewhere to stand up to her. "Okay, but you need to finish the Forsythe file first. It shouldn't take more than half an hour."

For the first time, I saw rage behind her eyes. I knew she was on a vast array of hormones, HGH, and steroids and what if always played in the back of my head so I looked away to try to avoid a confrontation. By now my entire body was shaking in need and quaking in fear. She had to be more than twice as strong as me. If she hurt me physically, given my fragile sense of self-worth and awe at her physique, I would probably applaud her and ask for more.

"How about I drop it off on your desk later after my errands?" she said, trying to enforce her authority.

"Okay," I gulped, accepting a partial victory. Her eyes moved from me to my desk and I thought I'd dodged a bullet. "You play tennis?" She asked, dumping a ball out of the can into her hand.

"Yeah, I love to hit now and then to get some exercise. I'm not a superstar but I have a pretty good serve and backhand."

"Really?" She motioned a backhand after I spoke, the triceps from her right arm manifestly bulging out, showing a sharp, striated edge of its long head, producing a kind of sculpture in lurid muscular detail. "I'd like to watch you sometime." For a second I thought she was getting sexual and I wiped a nervous bead of sweat from my brow. "I've never played but I used to use these for my kind of exercise." She squeezed and the veins in her bulging forearms grew more pronounced instantly. "But now, I have to be careful with these or," she released the grip from all of her fingers except her thumb and pinky before gritting her teeth and bearing down just as she said, "they break." A pop reverberated around the room as the ball deflated under her pressure. The bulging cords of muscle in her forearms danced providing what could have been an anatomy lesson in strength and superior power.

"Oopsy, see what I mean." She tossed it in the air and it landed with a thud on my desk.

I gulped, "yep."

"Okay, I'll take the file and then head out." Looking back on it now, I don't think she was threatening me. But perhaps she was solidifying her position in the office setting. I wondered whether avoiding the bliss of massaging her shoulders because of my guilt was worth it, but at least it set a precedent that in the future I could look, but not touch, or so I thought.

[wowser1016]

Well my interest hasn't faded at all. I am all in with Felicity and only wondering if the wife is going to make an appearance soon. She better or no matter how faithful he wants to be Felicity's muscles are going to corrupt him. K+!

[Biceps108]

I can not be uninterested in this story. I totally love everything about it. In addition, I quite like how although most people voted for the "Jim's wife meets Felicity at the gym and starts being trained by Felicity (and gets stronger than Jim)" path, that it also has hints of the other ideas. Like the emasculation path, which was a bit present in this latest chapter.

[ArkhamAsylum]

I agree with the other comments. I'm very interested to see how the story develops. Great work, as always. Happy holidays.

[Jaguar]

I'm still extremely interested too.  Just it is a busy time of year. 

[Jaguar]

Probably Views are a better indicator of interest than comments. 

This story already has 9,102 views -- that says a lot about what readers think of the quality of writing. 

So long as the view count is going up, that means people are reading and interested. 

I know authors like to have comments (here and in Amazon and Goodreads), but the percentage of us readers who post comments is tiny.


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MODERATORS AND ADMINS: Is there any way you guys could provide a topic originator with more feedback on Views, like a graph or breakdown of how many views were in the last 2 weeks?  Some small change you could make to the forum to provide more feedback and encouragement to the creators whose content drive people to this website?

[Japagreipe]

I'm also very interested in seeing this story continue. I see a bit of myself in the MC, in how he's so obsessed.

[taoschild]

Here is another section -
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I had barely opened the door to the house when a loud voice rang out yelling, "What the Hell is this?" Mary stood there with my journal in hand, her eyebrows stitched together, eyes swimming in tears, and cheeks red in anger. I'd never seen her so angry. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that my play with the journal had not gone as forecast.

"What do you mean?" I said stupidly, trying to figure out how much she knew before I fell in too deep.

"C'mon Jim. People don't lie in their journals. You've been lusting over big, brawny, she-men all these years. You tell me."

I ignored the slight on my taste and strong women and considered my options. My only defense seemed to lay in feigning anger for invading my private diary. "It's my diary how could you," I said putting as much hurt into my voice as I could muster.

Her response was devastating. "Don't give me that. It's like you invited me to read it, putting it next to our planner on your desk unlocked and the page marked."

"But..."

"But what?  I think the fact that you left it so available makes it even worse. It's as if you wanted me to read it because my body doesn't please you anymore so I could change for you."

"No," I protested knowing that her words were spot on but denying it nonetheless. 

"I guess you're right," she said, momentarily relieving my panic before twisting the knife. "You never liked my body.  You wanted some roided out freak who would throw you around the bedroom like some kind of masochist.  I feel like I've been lied to all these years."

"I'm sorry. I have a right to keep some secrets in a marriage, don't I?"

"Sure, but not when the whole relationship is based on a lie."

"It's not a lie. You know I like your body. You know I get turned on."

"Yeah, by what, imagining long ass clits and nude muscular women when you're thrusting inside of me?"  My ears started throbbing and my cheeks heated what had to be an almost purplish hue.  Had I left a search history up that wasn't private?  My breaths started coming in short measured bursts as I bordered on panic. 

"Muscular women clits," she said, turning the figurative knife one last time. Fuck!

"I think I know it all but I want to hear you say it. Tell me your secret Mike... all of it.  Don't you dare lie to me after all these years!  Tell me what the woman of your dreams looks like. 

I hesitated and gulped.  Would telling Mary prove to be a cathartic cleanse after all of these years or the end of a relationship with the woman I loved?  Perhaps, I suspected, it would be both.  After holding my secret tightly to my vest for so long, I decided to go down in flames by telling the truth.

"Okay, you're right.  I want to start by saying that I do find you attractive and a turn on," She started to shake her head and speak but I cut her off. "I'm telling you the truth about my secret after all these years of embarrassment so please don't doubt me. To say this isn't easy is an understatement."

"Okay," she breathed relenting and letting me continue.

"But, I'm sorry I'm totally embarrassed to say this, but yeah, I like really strong women."

She crossed her arms in disappointment. "C'mon, you owe me the whole truth. Stronger than you? Tell me everything or I'm walking out!"

A deep sigh escaped me and then I just let it all out. "Yes, stronger than me and I like them big too. And yes, I find a long clit attractive. It's not that I'm gay -- though there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just attracted to, I don't know if I had to say, masculine-looking women who are stronger and bigger than me. But it's just a fantasy, nothing I expect in the real world."

"Is that it?"

"Yes." I ground my teeth in worry waiting to see what she would do next. She thinks you're a freak. How could you let her find out? You're a pervert, a deviant.

"Okay, thanks for at least telling me the truth.  Sleep on the couch tonight I think I need some time to process." And with that, she walked out. I literally sagged into the couch and tucked myself into the fetal position in shame. While she didn't bring it up again, our relationship changed drastically that day, and initially not for the better.

[wowser1016]

Obviously not quite the response Jim was looking for but hopefully after some "prcessing" maybe Mary will ease up and start seeing things "our" way.

[Japagreipe]

I definitely feel like many of us, who share the same fetish, struggle with this to some extent. Nothing nearly as extreme as that of course, but you can't help liking what you like. Can't wait for how she'll react.

[bertmacklinsbrother]

Nice chapter, and a fun tease for where things could go for this couple!  Looking forward to seeing what is next