Hello all,
I've been really struggling to add to or wrap up some of my earlier stories. I did put the below together hopefully as an attempt to kick start finishing the ones in progress. It's a very short, but based on a true story. Enjoy
Jennifer is a 5'5" Asian American with perfect olive skin, piercing dark eyes, short dark hair and a fire to be the best. She penned the following as she looked back on her first year of competitive collegiate tennis.
For so long, society has told women how we are supposed to act: Poised. Sweet. Quiet.
For so long, society has told women how we are supposed to be: Gentle. Delicate. Soft
For so long, society has told women how we are supposed to look: Skinny. Sexy. Beautiful.
For so long, society never told women that we could be strong.
The idea of what it means to be a beautiful woman has changed for me many times. In 2011, when I was 13, I thought beautiful meant weighing the same as the Victoria’s Secret models I googled. In 2013, at 15, I thought beautiful meant having the hashtag-famous “thigh gap.” In 2016, at the age of 18, I thought beautiful meant not having to edit your pictures on Insta****.
Graduating high school, I was a lean girl happy with my appearance, toned legs, perky boobs and a flat stomach. Of course, I had fallen victim to believing in society’s standards a couple of times and maybe read too many tabloid magazines, but overall I was content with myself. This changed when I became a college athlete.
When I committed to play Division1 NCAA Tennis in college, I was overjoyed at the opportunity and prepared to learn, but at first I was not prepared for the significant changes my body was about to endure. After I started lifting and practicing with a Division I team, my body began to change quickly before my eyes. All of a sudden, I was burning close to 1,300 calories a practice, lifting heavy weights, and eating around 4,000 calories each day. This was a huge change from the routine I had grown accustomed to in high school.
After just a few months of this regime, I was no longer that lean girl. I was bigger and I was muscular. However, I didn’t pay much attention to it until one particular weekend my freshman season.
Excited to have the day off, I went shopping. I wanted to buy something that would make me feel girly and pretty, because sweating in a gym every day and max-squatting 220 pounds isn’t girly and pretty, right? After grabbing a pile of clothes to try on, I headed into a changing room not knowing that the next 10 minutes would bring. The first pair of jeans wouldn’t pull past my thighs. The next shirt I tried was too tight on my arms. The dress I loved on the mannequin wasn’t zipping up my back. Piece after piece, nothing fit. I wondered, is this marked wrong?!” As I squeezed out of the dress, my eyes welled with pride at the body staring back at me in the mirror. After a few more attempts to make anything work, I could no longer hold in my emotions. Behind the curtains of a 5-by-5-foot changing room, I silently began to really explore my new body. Standing in my underwear I finally saw the body I had created those first few months of college. The jeans wouldn't get past my thighs because they were hard, thick and solid muscle from hours and hours of squats and deadlifts. Even if I could have gotten those jeans past my thighs there was no way they were getting past my round muscular ass. As I smacked it, I couldn't get over how solid it was, like hitting concrete. The t-shirts were too tight on my arms because I had baseball sized biceps now and broad round shoulders. And of course the dress wouldn't zip in the back because my back was nothing but solid muscle. I have these great pec muscles now the result of countless bench press reps. I'm mesmerized the by the clear separation of each pec and my perky boobs that sit atop.
I begin flexing all these new found muscles. As I pumped my arms watching by biceps swell I said to myself "strong is sexy." I flex my chest and watch it jump to life, "muscles are sexy". I rub my hands along my flat rippled abs, counting all of the ridges that make up my '6-pack'. I flex my legs and see my quadriceps pop to life across my legs, "being powerful is sexy"
I spent the rest of that year uber committed to building my body. Attempting different diets to increase my protein intake. Finding new outfits and workout wear that showed off my every growing and defining physique. And absolutely killing myself at practice and the gym every day, pushing and pulling all the weigh I can. For countless months I was focusing on my body, trying to be stronger, bigger, more defined and eating all the food body required to perform.
After two semesters of intense training and focus on myself, I was ready for the start of the season, I looked nothing like that 'toned' girl that walked on campus for the first time 6-months ago. I created an athletic body a body that was ready to dominate! I was the first freshman to make first team in the schools history, I didn't lose a match all season, I love the stunned look of my opponents seeing my arms in our sleeveless uniforms. I broke all the 'unofficial' strength records for the team with my 155-pound bench press, 295-pound squat and 315-pound dead lift.
I'm not going to lie. I love how fucking powerful I am and I want more.
