Your House

[GLKnight]

So, there should be installments for Blockbuster, Getting With The Goddess and Verity within the coming weeks. So I decided to start a story that's definitely... not what I usually cover. Fair warning, the story WILL go places (it's focusing on a mother and her two kids, one of which is an adult) that will involve other types of transformations outside of FMG (age changing and race changing are the two most prominent elements). So if that's not your thing, then I must ask you avoid this story.

And don't worry, there's no sexualization of a minor in this story. So no need to be concerned, there.

Okay, with that out of the way, onto the story...
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Living under one roof with both my mom and sister has been Hell.


Since the order to stay indoors while the Government began working on some undisclosed natural phenomena has been happening, my mother brought my younger sister with her to stay at my place. Desiree isn't really the issue, despite her being 10 years younger than me at 13 years old. She's shy, kind of nerdy, tends to stay out of people's way most of the time.

The real issue is my mom, Laura. If you had to define "micromanaging bitch" by looking it up in the dictionary, you'd absolutely see her picture by the definition. Trapping my father in a loveless marriage by tricking him into getting her pregnant at 14, she has always had a domineering streak that she excuses as "caring for her precious baby boy". It didn't help that she got more controlling of my life after dad died in an accident shortly after Desiree was born. Dad came from money, so my mom never wanted a thing. But no matter what, it was always her first, Desiree second and me a distant third, in that order. In all honesty, I felt more like a servant than her actual son at times. Which was why, as soon as I turned 18, I left for college and powered through a degree in business in two years. I didn't want to be dependent on her for anything, because she would hold whatever she helped me out with over my head for the rest of my life.

And I'll be frank: I'm damn good at trading, like my dad was. I ended up earning quite a bit in those five years of freedom, bought a nice house and set up my finances so I constantly cycled what I accrued. Money not moving is money not growing, after all. I thought I was free from her bullcrap in my new life. I set myself up to live by my terms, with no one's help.

Imagine my surprise when my mom showed up out of the blue, Desiree sheepishly behind her as she stood in silent embarrassment. Mom said that she was ordered to move out of her rather substantial home and was given my address. I tried to ask for details, but she quickly waltzed past me and began making comments about how sparse my home was, how I needed a woman's touch, and so on. As I let mom talk, Desiree quickly moved in for a hug.

"I'm sorry," was all she said as she hugged me tight and quickly ran upstairs to find one of the spare rooms.

Their arrival was bad enough. But soon, I started to notice some weird things.

The first day, I had to take care of some things in town, so I wouldn't be home till the afternoon. By the time I returned, mom moved EVERYTHING to my home. All her pictures, her clothes, her furniture, her car. And everything that was mine? Gone, for the most part. She had taken over my bedroom, she replaced my refrigerator with hers, she replaced everything I bought with her own stuff. Literally the only things I had left were my bed that was put in a spare bedroom, my clothes which were haphazardly put ON TOP OF the bed and a lamp for a nightstand. Everything else, from living room to bathroom to the garage, was cleared out to make way for her things. She hadn't even brought over anything for Desiree.

As soon as I learned that she neglected Desiree, I was like a hornet. I could feel a buzzing in my brain as I lost my cool and chewed her out for her selfish indulgences. Once again, it was all about her when she has two children to think of. Not only that, but completely clearing my home of things that meant something to me so she could have room for her crap which would have remained perfectly fine at her place? This was a line I didn't think she would ever dare cross. But the way she just looked at me. The indifference I saw. Or maybe mock concern? I don't know. But there was something in the way she looked at me that didn't sit right. Like she knew something I didn't. It felt like she was smiling on the inside, and I could sense it but not see it.

I was beginning to lose my nerve, so I ended it short by warning her that this was still my house. And if she dared pull any of that crap again, I'd be more than willing to have them talk to whoever sent that order for her to come here and move somewhere else. And if it came down to it, I'd register as Desiree's guardian so she'd have a safe and well loved home to flourish in instead of being under her oppressive thumb where she only gave a damn about her own needs first.

Looking back on it now, that was probably where I fucked up. Because after that tirade, she just gave me that usual placating smirk she gives when she flippantly agrees to anyone's demands while thinking of ways to manipulate things.

"Your house...", she said, turning and walking away.

I could never imagine that she was not actually saying that to me, or the lengths she'd go to in order to make that statement true.

[ArkhamAsylum]

This is an interesting first part. You said this story will feature race changing. Do you mean that the ethnicity of the mom/sister will change? Or is the cause of their transformation extraterrestrial, and do they take on the characteristics of an alien race (like amazonian aliens, or something)? I'm looking forward to what happens next.

[nebulasparks]

Very cool concept

[GLKnight]

The one thing that was both a boon and a bane about the whole stay at home order is that Desiree was at home all the time due to school being forced into reprieve as people spent time figuring out how to manage everyday life. A bane, as we both now lived with my mom who continued to micromanage both of our lives. And a boon, as I could be there to protect my sister from her manipulative bullshit 24/7. Although in the first week, Desiree spent all her time in her room except for when we stopped by their house to pack up her things. The entire time, I did enough speaking for the both of us. I honestly tried to get her to open up, as something seemed to be really bothering her about this whole situation. But she chose to stay quiet, so I had to fill that gap.


The second time I noticed something unusual was five days later on Saturday. When I woke up, I was feeling like utter shit. I was surprisingly achy and slow. It felt like I was trying to swim through stone, to be honest. I thought I could audibly hear myself creaking as I struggled to get out of bed. Was it a cold or the flu? I didn't really FEEL sick, just severely drained. Everything seemed to be a struggle for me. It even hurt to lift my arms above my head to get dressed. Pure agony, plain and simple.


Heading downstairs, I was immediately hit with this... I don't know, a scent of some kind? It was REALLY pungent, but some part of me kind of... liked it? I have no idea. Hearing the sound of the blender made me realize just how hungry I really was, so I started stumbling towards the kitchen to get something to eat. And the closer I got, the stronger the smell became. It really did feel like I was being hit so hard by something, it was making me punch drunk. My head was swimming as my feet felt like led, stomping forward autonomically like a robot as I got dizzier and dizzier. As I stepped through, the whole kitchen was beginning to overwhelm me. I could practically taste whatever the scent was, now. And as I looked over at who was in the kitchen, I became incredibly confused. All that was in there was my mom, standing in front of a blender in a pair of tights and a sports bra, looking like she had just finished a run or something.


"About time you got up," she said, not even looking at me as she poured herself a glass of whatever she had just made. "I was wondering if I should get your lazy butt out of bed or not."

"What do you mean?", I asked her, shuffling to the fridge to pull out some milk.


"I mean you're burning daylight when you should be taking care of things around here," she chided me as she sat down. "Desiree and I have been up for a while now, while you practically slept the day away!"

Moving over to the counter where I kept my phone and charging bay, I looked at the time.

"It's only 9 AM," I told her. "That's a usual start for most people."


"Not while I'm around," she told me smugly. "It's time you got a little organization in your life!"

I shook my head and grabbed a glass, not trying to pay her any mind. But the entire time, it felt like my mind was fogged over. I took a couple deep breaths, trying to focus. But all I could sense was whatever that damn scent was. It was overpowering. It felt like everything was an echo, especially my mom's words as her voice buzzed in the back of my head. I couldn't really focus. It was only when I felt someone yanking the milk out of my hand that I realized she had walked to me without me realizing it.


"First thing's first," she said, ripping off the cap and pouring the milk down the sink. "We're changing your diet. No dairy, less protein, more fruits and veggies. You're putting on weight and that's going to stop now."

I suddenly snapped to attention at what was going on.


"What are you DOING?", I shouted. I reached for the milk, but for some reason, my mom was able to easily hold me off with one hand. As I struggled, I couldn't believe that I was unable to stop her as she pushed me back. Keeping me from stopping her until the milk was all gone. Not even our height difference was enough for me to do anything.


"Doing what's best for you," she said, smiling proudly. "You're becoming a lazy good for nothing and obviously need your mommy to make you the man you should be! Which is why I'm going shopping later to make sure you eat right!"

I scoffed at her statement.

"I eat well enough as is," I shouted. "I always eat the right proportions! I work out! I take care of myself! By whose standards are you saying I'm not eating right?"

With a wicked grin, she reached over beside the blender before slapping some papers to my chest. Flipping them over, I immediately noticed they had official letterhead and everything from some new department I had never heard of before.


"The Department Of... Equivalency?"


"Government orders," my mom crowed. "As per the orders of the Equivalency Department, the rankings of individuals within a home are as followed: A for individuals of most importance, B for moderate importance, and so on down to F."

Ripping the papers out of my hands, mom pointed emphatically to a specific paragraph.


"Read it," she joyously demanded.


"Fine," I told her. "In regards to the Cavalleri Household, the rankings are as followed: For Laura Cavalleri, A ranking. For Desiree Cavalleri, A Ranking. For Desmond Cavalleri... F RANKING?!"


"That's right," mom said, pushing the papers into my chest again. "As per the decree of the Equivalency Department, the balance of power in a household is as follows: A Ranks get the most reward, while those of F Rank must attend to those duties A Ranks dole out to them. With the completion of their duties, a person's reward is attributed to their ranking. After one year's time, a person may file for a changing of their rank. But let's face it, you deserve where you're at!"

I stared at the papers that mom showed me, trying to figure out what this all meant.

"When did this happen?", I asked her, completely unable to wrap my head around this and whatever that damn scent was. That damned, pungent, sickening... sweet, enticing scent that grew more and more pleasant the more time I spent around it.


"Don't know," mom said, sitting down at the table and grabbing her drink. "And frankly, I don't care!"


"THAT'S ENOUGH, MOM!"


Desiree's voice cut through the haze and confusion, breaking me out of the spell I was under. I had never known her to be so forceful. Normally, she remained quiet and distant. But in this instant, it was like a wind cutting through the mist I was trapped in. A wind that carried a... sweet, flowery scent? She quickly ran to me, hugging me protectively. I was too tired to resist, so I just put my arms around her shoulders.


"Morning," I gently told her.


I noticed mom just rolled her eyes, standing up from her seat as she began walking away. I couldn't put my finger on it, but now that I was getting a good look at her, I saw there was something different about her. I didn't know exactly what, but something about her had changed, if only slightly.


"Tch, children..."


As she left the room, I could swear whatever scent was in here before began to dissipate, putting less strain on me.


Squeezing me one more time, Desiree quickly made her way back out of the kitchen. Stopping at the doorway, she looked back at me with a somewhat remorseful look on her face.

"I'm sorry about the ranking," she said. "But I'll try to do what I can to help you from mom. She's known about the rankings all week and has been gloating in secret about this being 'her house now'. Just... a bit of warning, the rewards are not what you think they are. Mom will try to take full advantage of them, and you, in the next year. Be on guard."

Before I could even ask anything, she quickly ran back upstairs. Leaving me to sit and ruminate over what the fuck was going on.

[Hello345]

Like where your going with this, hoping for a loving muscular sister protecting her brother from the evil mother!

[ArkhamAsylum]

I agree with Hello345. This story (as well as your other stories) has been awesome so far. It seems that Desiree will get the same "upgrades" as her mother, so she will be  able to protect her brother. I can't wait to see the battle of dominance between Desiree and her mother once the start to grow and get more powerfull.

[GreatJustice]

You'll always get karma from me - I enjoy your stories!

[GLKnight]

For the next two days, I spent my time trying to look into the Department Of Equivalency. I tried to call in that same Friday to get some answers, but I was put to an automatic teller that asked for my Equivalency pin number. Since I didn't see a pin code in the letter, I waited for the options. When I heard "If you are an F Rank, press 8", I quickly pressed the button down. But when I heard the voice on the other end tell me to "hand the phone to the registered A Rank in charge of the home you're at", I almost threw it against the wall. I needed PERMISSION to even speak to someone over the phone about my status? And the registered A Rank in charge of the home? Did that mean my mom was put in charge of MY house, including ME? When the Hell did she do that?

Since human contact was getting me nowhere, I had to switch to online resources. I found the website for the department itself, but it hidden so far deep in the recesses of links upon links upon links that it took me damn near an HOUR just to get through them all. But I found it all the same. And wouldn't you know it, it was an honest to God arm of the government.

And just like the phone, I needed to put a pin number in to access the God damned site. So I spent time looking into its creation. And in the two days time, all I could find was the Equivalency Department's About page that explained jack shit, a couple forums dedicated to conspiracies and crackpot explanations about what the department's M.O. really is and that's it. It's like it was EXTREMELY brand new. No announcements in the news, no roll outs to people at large, no public discussions. It was all being put under the rug, it seemed.

Meanwhile, my mom treated my home like she was queen of the castle. Every hour or so during the day, she would brazenly come into my room to "check on me". Barge into my room to make sure I was "not doing anything a good boy wouldn't do". Not only that, I started noticing all these little devices everywhere. When I took a picture of one and looked it up, I was quickly put into silence. They were a really expensive brand of high end surveillance cameras. They could withstand extensive amounts of damage and come out unscathed, submerged in freezing water, being placed in the embers of a roaring fire for three days and even a significant explosion. We're talking something the military would use level of technology.

And making everything worse was that scent. It was invading every corner of the house except when I passed by Desiree's room. It seemed to filter through everything. I couldn't escape it. I had to fight through the haze that seemed to be creeping into my brain at any given moment. It was that pungent. I hate it. I mean, I don't HATE it... I think? It's too much, though. I can't really focus on anything, it's too much. It's strong and overpowering and heady, and... sweet? Maybe with hints of amber and vanilla? I don't really know how to describe it.

Finally, Monday came around. For some reason, I couldn't really sleep. I was up and down all night. And for some reason, really fucking horny. I had realized that since my mom and sister moved in, I hadn't gotten any... y'know, RELIEF? So as soon as I realized I needed release, I hopped on the computer to find something to get off to super early in the morning.

When I started, I went for some of the basics. Big tits, pov vids, that sort of thing. But as I'm sitting there, I just... couldn't get into it. My dick was hard, but there was something about what I was seeing that just wasn't doing it for me. Then I started looking in more niche areas. Asian? Nope. Black girls? No. Teens? Big no. Then my eyes fell upon a category I had never really considered before: Fit. Clicking on the link, I saw some of the videos on page one, and my dick instantly throbbed. There on the page was a video titled "Fit MILF lifts for you". Turning the volume down a bit, I started the video.

The scene opened a woman who looked like she was healthy. Not that lean, but she did look a little toned. As I noticed there was a weird tone underneath the video, she walked onto frame, the camera placed firmly on her firm ass as she strutted her stuff and followed her. The way her blue Lycra shorts molded to her frame before sitting down on a bench. The camera in tight as it drifted up her body, showing off her somewhat tanned skin as she fiddled with her gloves. Then rising up to her face as she smirked at the camera and the final testing of the glove's fit. With a kiss, she said "Let's get pumping" like I was right there with her before reaching down and grabbing a barbell.

It wasn't really that heavy, maybe about 20 pounds? But you could tell she was serious about lifting as she grunted in a proper curl, gently lowering it down before quickly lifting it again. As she controlled that weight, the sound of her voice as she grunted mixed with the buzz I was hearing in the background, almost making it sound like she was getting off on each rep. The sweat began to run down her face as she got more and more into it. Her skin flush as she grunted and moaned.

"Pump for me," she said. "Rep for rep, baby!"

For some reason, some part of my mind was telling me that I had to keep watching. Some animalistic part of me wanted to be there with her. Be in that room, on that bench. The feel of my hands on her body as she lifted that weight. Worshipping her as she got bigger and stronger. Doing whatever I could to make her happy. I had to be everything she needed so she could continue to grow and prove just how powerful she could be. Do all that I could to show her I was worthy of her.

That's when the thought initially broke through.

"I gotta do everything I can to celebrate my Alpha's evolution. It's only right for a son to let her mother take control."

The image of my mother in the woman's stead brilliantly flashed in my imagination. Leaning in as she whispered "Good boy" before our lips met. And that's when I came. As the lightning ran up my spine, causing my brain to tingle, I went rigid. Spasms overtook me as I came harder than I ever had in my entire life. I could hardly breathe, the odd scent filling my senses as my hand slowly stopped stroking my dick. I was a sweaty, panting mess as I sat there in my chair. As the video came to an end, the pressure in my head receded, leaving me to realize what I had just done.

The brief wave of nausea rose up in me as I began to slightly panic. I had not even THOUGHT of my mother at all in that way. She was a manipulative harpy. Someone who tried to take absolutely control of my life. And now, she was in my home, after probably lying to the government while signing us up with some super sketchy secret department, trying to make me into her servant once again. And I just jacked off to the thought of acquiescing to her like I was, what? In LOVE with her or something?

Riding a tide of absolute disgust with myself, I barely got my dick back in my pajama pants before I shut down the computer and started to walk to the bathroom. But before I could take three steps towards the door, my sight began to dim as I grew woozy. All my energy seemed to get drawn out of me like blood through a wound as I collapsed onto the bed. My body felt so heavy. And the ringing in my ears grew louder as the pressure returned, stronger than before. I felt like I was being crushed in my own body, though I could breathe just fine. Something was telling me to sleep, to ignore my own feelings. To just drift off. And in short work, I could feel the creeping growth of slumber pull me under its power.. Not noticing the sound of the buzz that I was hearing disappearing as I closed my eyes and drifted off into empty dreams.

[GLKnight]

By the time my alarm woke me up, I was exhausted. My head was in a constant fog as I fought my way out of bed, my body so leaden that I could practically here my muscles and joints screaming at me to stop. But I got up, all the same. As I sat on the edge of the bed, I glanced over at the clock to see what time it was.


"Six twenty-five?", I asked myself. I always wake up at Eight. Did my mom change the settings on me? I jostled as I heard a loud knock on the door right before my mom barreled her way in.


"Get up," she commanded me. "Desiree and I have a long day today, and we can't have you being a lazy little shit while we're gone. Hop to it, mister!"


"Mom," I grunted as I stood up. "Did you change my alarm settings? I don't normally get up before eight."

"You know what's going on," she said, walking over to my closet and throwing a shirt at me. "We're up at six, you're up at six. Now get dressed and get downstairs. We need breakfast before we go."

I watched as she dove into my dresser, pulling out a pair of underwear.

"These will have to change, as well," she muttered to herself as I slipped the shirt on.

"You didn't answer me," I said as she threw both a pair of boxers and shorts at me.

"I did and you know it," she said before turning to look me dead in the eye. "Get downstairs, make breakfast and I'll give you my list of chores before we go."

"Wait," I asked, realizing that she kept putting an impetus on 'going somewhere'. "What are you doing today?"

She shook her head and smiled, a clear sign that whatever she had planned wasn't going to be something I wanted to hear.


"You're an F," she said, as she began to walk out of my room. "It doesn't concern you in the least."


To say I felt like I was swimming through syrup as I hurried to get dressed was an understatement. Even just walking downstairs was a small agony. But as I made my way downstairs, I noticed something. The scent was gone. Whatever that heady mix of amber and vanilla and musk was had dissipated, leaving me to breathe clean air in peace. As I walked into the kitchen, I saw Desiree at the stove, making herself something to eat.


"Hey."

Catching her attention, Desiree looked at me with a smile.

"Hey," she replied. And that's when I noticed something.

"Hold up," I said, pointing. "Did you get contacts?"

She laughed and shook her head.

"No! Just chose not to wear glasses, is all. Seems I don't really need them, now."


I gave her a weird look as I took a spot next to her. Seems she was making stuffed omelets with ham, cheese and some other ingredients. I grabbed a stray piece of ham to pop into my mouth.

"Did your eyes get better or something?"

I gotta tell you, the look she gave me was weird. Like she was caught between confusion and panic as she went to flip the omelet in the pan.

"Well, it's-"

Suddenly, I saw mom's hand swat mine, HARD. Causing me to drop the piece of ham I wanted to eat.

"I told you," she chastised me. "You're on a DIET now! And you-"

Mom grabbed Desiree's shoulders, forcibly moving her away from the stove before grabbing my arm and dragging me into her spot.

"You know HE is to do what we command! You're an A RANK, Desiree! Act like it!"

"It's not right," Desiree shot back. "It doesn't matter WHAT rank he is! He's still my brother!"

Mom sneered as she shot a side eye at me.

"You know that doesn't matter, anymore! We are setting up for bigger and better things, Desi! And these rankings reflect that!"

"Bigger and better things?", I asked, making sure the omelet wasn't burning.

"It's none of your concern," mom told me. "Just keep making breakfast."


Desiree quickly placed herself between mom and myself, putting her back to mine.

"Mom, STOP! He's still your son and not a slave, for fuck's sake!"


"LANGUAGE," Mom shouted at her. "I won't have that tone in MY HOUSE, little girl!"

"Wait," I said, sliding the omelet onto a plate before putting the pan down and turning to face her. "YOUR house? Did you forget that I OWN it? That I PAID for it, with my OWN money? That it's in MY NAME?"


"I told you," she said, glowering at me. "Keep making breakfast. This is between A Ranks, so stay out of this. I want an omelet, so do as I say!"

With that, she grabbed the plate and a fork in one hand, Desiree's wrist in the other and dragged her off into another part of the house. Turning off the stove, I followed them. It wasn't hard to know where they were, as they were really getting into it in my study.


"...Don't you see how much this Ranking bullcrap is changing us?", Desiree implored my mom.


"Are you kidding?", mom replied, her feet kicked up as she sat in my office chair with a huge smile. "This is the greatest thing that ever happened to us, and you know it!"

"I don't think it is," Desiree said, in a huff as she hunched over, her hands gripping the edge of the desk. "You're treating Desmond like he's some kind of... SLAVE!"


"You know what we'll be going through over the next year, Desiree! Why should we worry about stupid relationships when you know what'll be available to us soon?"

"You're mad," Desi said, clearly disgusted. "You never should have signed us up for that damn program!"

"Language!"

"I don't care about language, mom!"

"I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME LAURA IN PRIVATE, DESTINY!"


I noticed that Desiree, my sister who my mom constantly belittled, was on the verge of tears.


"THAT'S NOT MY NAME, AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"Tough," mom coldly told her. "You know within a few months, you won't even LOOK like you once did, anyway! You should thank me! Destiny's a FAR BETTER name for you, now!"

"You monster," Desiree shouted, the tears freely flowing. "You heartless MONSTER!"

With that, Desiree quickly fled out of the room, sobbing. As she ran right past me, I trailed her as she went around the corner as fast as she could. When I looked back, I saw my mom holding one of those security devices she had gotten in her hand. Pressing a button, I heard this buzzing noise that just seemed to cut through everything I was thinking or feeling as she held it up to my ear.

"Be a Good Boy," she said, smiling wickedly. "And listen to Mommy..."


As soon as I heard those words, I fell into darkness.

[Biceps108]

This story gives me shivers! In a good way, though. The slow build-up is really good at setting the stage, and leaves me excited for the big changes. So far I'm digging the dynamic that you've established. It's a family-based scenario, with the brother, sister and daughter characters. That in itself isn't anything extraordinary, but your take on it makes this story stand out to me. The mother looks like an nonredeemable person, and that's highlighted in this latest chapter. She sees her own son as nothing more than slave. In the first chapter, we hear about how selfish she is, but the depth of her cruelty is really beginning to show itself. It makes me wonder how cruel she'll be once things change. The brother clearly suffered because of his mother, spurring him on to leave the house and get one of his own. He's rebellious, independent and set in his ways. The sister on the other hand is not like her mother. She does value family, and can be seen as the counter to the mother. Personally, I like this dynamic. We all hate the mother for what she does, but at the same time we're drawn to how she acts, especially once she changes. Her negative side is balanced by the sister's kindness.

And then there's the mysterious ranking system, the buzzing and the weird scent in the house. It's feels as if we're like the main character, trying to figure out what's happening here. And the mother keeps teasing us with the knowledge of what it all means. Can't say much about the transformation aspect yet, since it's for future chapters, but I'm pretty sure it'll be as amazing as this build-up. Now, personally, I'm curious about a few things. First of being the outside world. Will there be any changes there that the main character sees? Or will his mom go a step further, and lock him inside? Then I wonder about the sister. She's loyal to her family, but that works both ways. The mother has been with her for a long time, possibly influencing her, and she's not telling the main character about what this ranking system is either. Then there's the fact that, no matter if it was for a good reason, her brother kind of left her to be alone with their mother and suffer the woman's attitude. I feel as if that should be some kind of factor in the chapters later on. Young mind are impressionable, after all.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that this story is really good. I always look further to next chapters.

[Sounder9-]

Definitely the same! In a way it reminds me of a mix between the prisoner and persons unknown but with a FMG aspect. It will definitely interesting to see the outcome of this story!

[GLKnight]

This story gives me shivers! In a good way, though. The slow build-up is really good at setting the stage, and leaves me excited for the big changes. So far I'm digging the dynamic that you've established. It's a family-based scenario, with the brother, sister and daughter characters. That in itself isn't anything extraordinary, but your take on it makes this story stand out to me. The mother looks like an nonredeemable person, and that's highlighted in this latest chapter. She sees her own son as nothing more than slave. In the first chapter, we hear about how selfish she is, but the depth of her cruelty is really beginning to show itself. It makes me wonder how cruel she'll be once things change. The brother clearly suffered because of his mother, spurring him on to leave the house and get one of his own. He's rebellious, independent and set in his ways. The sister on the other hand is not like her mother. She does value family, and can be seen as the counter to the mother. Personally, I like this dynamic. We all hate the mother for what she does, but at the same time we're drawn to how she acts, especially once she changes. Her negative side is balanced by the sister's kindness.

And then there's the mysterious ranking system, the buzzing and the weird scent in the house. It's feels as if we're like the main character, trying to figure out what's happening here. And the mother keeps teasing us with the knowledge of what it all means. Can't say much about the transformation aspect yet, since it's for future chapters, but I'm pretty sure it'll be as amazing as this build-up. Now, personally, I'm curious about a few things. First of being the outside world. Will there be any changes there that the main character sees? Or will his mom go a step further, and lock him inside? Then I wonder about the sister. She's loyal to her family, but that works both ways. The mother has been with her for a long time, possibly influencing her, and she's not telling the main character about what this ranking system is either. Then there's the fact that, no matter if it was for a good reason, her brother kind of left her to be alone with their mother and suffer the woman's attitude. I feel as if that should be some kind of factor in the chapters later on. Young mind are impressionable, after all.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that this story is really good. I always look further to next chapters.

Actually, the rewards system is just that: the actual transformations they will be going through. And both Laura and Desiree received their first reward already (because A Ranks receive rewards constantly for just existing in the system). Just think about what abnormal thing has been effecting Desmond for the past few days...

[Sounder9-]

This story gives me shivers! In a good way, though. The slow build-up is really good at setting the stage, and leaves me excited for the big changes. So far I'm digging the dynamic that you've established. It's a family-based scenario, with the brother, sister and daughter characters. That in itself isn't anything extraordinary, but your take on it makes this story stand out to me. The mother looks like an nonredeemable person, and that's highlighted in this latest chapter. She sees her own son as nothing more than slave. In the first chapter, we hear about how selfish she is, but the depth of her cruelty is really beginning to show itself. It makes me wonder how cruel she'll be once things change. The brother clearly suffered because of his mother, spurring him on to leave the house and get one of his own. He's rebellious, independent and set in his ways. The sister on the other hand is not like her mother. She does value family, and can be seen as the counter to the mother. Personally, I like this dynamic. We all hate the mother for what she does, but at the same time we're drawn to how she acts, especially once she changes. Her negative side is balanced by the sister's kindness.

And then there's the mysterious ranking system, the buzzing and the weird scent in the house. It's feels as if we're like the main character, trying to figure out what's happening here. And the mother keeps teasing us with the knowledge of what it all means. Can't say much about the transformation aspect yet, since it's for future chapters, but I'm pretty sure it'll be as amazing as this build-up. Now, personally, I'm curious about a few things. First of being the outside world. Will there be any changes there that the main character sees? Or will his mom go a step further, and lock him inside? Then I wonder about the sister. She's loyal to her family, but that works both ways. The mother has been with her for a long time, possibly influencing her, and she's not telling the main character about what this ranking system is either. Then there's the fact that, no matter if it was for a good reason, her brother kind of left her to be alone with their mother and suffer the woman's attitude. I feel as if that should be some kind of factor in the chapters later on. Young mind are impressionable, after all.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that this story is really good. I always look further to next chapters.

Actually, the rewards system is just that: the actual transformations they will be going through. And both Laura and Desiree received their first reward already (because A Ranks receive rewards constantly for just existing in the system). Just think about what abnormal thing has been effecting Desmond for the past few days...

So what were seeing for Desmond are the punishments/reinforcement of the system ?

[GLKnight]

So what were seeing for Desmond are the punishments/reinforcement of the system ?

More the benefits for A Ranks, but yes, a reinforcement of the system. F Ranks must be compliant, and one of the things I'll be covering in a few installments is just what those benefits are (like resources to enforce compliance). The key thing to remember is that we've yet to meet anyone else who is currently going through the Equivalence Department's program, so what's happening to Desmond may or may not be exclusive to his situation.

Only time will tell (in other words, we'll be seeing some aspects of rewards and the rest of society because the world in story is currently under lockdown a little later).

[Sounder9-]

So what were seeing for Desmond are the punishments/reinforcement of the system ?

More the benefits for A Ranks, but yes, a reinforcement of the system. F Ranks must be compliant, and one of the things I'll be covering in a few installments is just what those benefits are (like resources to enforce compliance). The key thing to remember is that we've yet to meet anyone else who is currently going through the Equivalence Department's program, so what's happening to Desmond may or may not be exclusive to his situation.

Only time will tell (in other words, we'll be seeing some aspects of rewards and the rest of society because the world in story is currently under lockdown a little later).

Thanks for the reply! This story will absolutely be on my to read list!