La Vida Loca

[Wookey]

K+ again. Your are putting a lot into developing your characters’ depth. The story is the better for it.

[wowser1016]

A really fine job. I love the story and the mystery of Vida. K+!

[marasso]

K+ again. Your are putting a lot into developing your characters’ depth. The story is the better for it.

Thank you, I'm happy that you appreciate that. I like developing characters and making them unique.

A really fine job. I love the story and the mystery of Vida. K+!

There will be a considerable amount of her mystery still But it all will be revealed at some point.

Anyway, here you have another part. Have fun


Saturday morning was hard for two reasons. First, my legs were sore from all that dancing. I had a mild hangover, but it was still unpleasant, and my breath smelled like a dumpster. Yeah, all that food and alcohol tasted great... but only yesterday and only separately.

And the second reason for 'hard' morning - I woke up with a record-worthy erection, unyielding, unbending, freaking indestructible. Using the moment of a unique 'hangover-ish' state of mind, not sleeping anymore, but also not fully awake, I started to relive events from the party.

Various images were coming to my mind. Vida dancing. Vida smiling and laughing. Vida in her sexy dress. That even sexier choker on her neck. That beautiful game of contrasts. Red lips, golden skin. Black hair, white dress. Dark eyes, bright smile. Pretty, dainty face and strong, muscular body.

And then my mind brought up images of the insane fuck-fest in that back alley.
At that point I started to shamelessly jerk off. Blurred slides showing Vida’s mouth stretched by my cock. Little details, like her gasping, her eyes looking at me with such a fire within. Her nipples with shining piercings. Her muscled buttocks stuck out in submissive pose. And our naked bodies colliding…

Oh, shit, shit, shit! It took me only a few strokes and I spurted like a fountain. Long jets of jizz covered my chest, stomach and sheet. What a mess. Literally and metaphorically. Strenuously, I got myself  up and headed straight to the shower.

I was falling for Vida, that was just established as a fact. The famous test, titled 'try to jerk off and see if you will still think of her after you cum', failed. I just came like a standpipe. And Vida was still in my head and didn't seem to be going anywhere.
 
Eh, I wish I had 99 other problems like Jay-Z, but I had only one. Well, maybe two, as it was Saturday and on those days I had my futsal with the guys. I really loved that and wanted to go, but my legs begged to differ. After a short struggle, I texted one of my friends that I wasn't coming this time, but he wrote back that my absence meant that it would be only nine of them and the whole world would collapse.

Reluctantly, I agreed to the match, and it went as badly as possible. First of all, I was weary, slow and pathetic. Guys were doing everything they wanted with me and it was like taking away a child's candy. But the worst thing happened, when Jurgen, a German dude built like a fucking ÜberSoldat, was shooting at the goal and I wanted to block the ball. But I was too late, he managed to score, then his knee smacked me in the side of my thigh. It was like getting hit with a hammer.

It hurt like motherfucker, but of course, we all laughed it out, as it always went among a band of dudes. It didn't seem to be really serious, but after I came back home, my leg was swollen and a giant bruise began to appear on my thigh. Plus, I was limping.

And the whole Sunday my leg was out of use and it hurt when I was bending it. But since it was a free day, it wasn't a big deal.

However, on Monday my thigh was similar to the side of beef Rocky was punching in the icehouse. The bruise looked like a raw steak, both in size and color. I couldn't see myself going anywhere, let alone to the gym and working out. I was barely moving around my apartment.

Of course, if I had Vida's number I could call and postpone our 'tryst', but - a not-very-pleasant reminder - I had not. At that point, I was more than aware that the whole situation with Vida refusing me her phone number was severely fucked up. Outrageous and even insulting for me. I should have confronted her about that for the second time, but… it would be humiliating for me. My pride wouldn’t let me ‘beg’ for something so basic in the modern world like having contact with a girl you’re dating. My final conclusion was that it should be Vida’s initiative now. It was as simple as that.

Therefore, I considered for a moment gritting my teeth and going to the gym anyway, but finally decided not to. One day off was what I needed. Also, maybe to test if I could consciously keep myself away from Vida for at least one more day and not go crazy because of that.

And I managed to do so just fine, more or less. I was thinking about her a lot during the day, but luckily without falling into obsession. The day gave me some clarity. I decided that if Vida had her way, I could have my own too. Of course, I wanted to continue seeing her, but without losing dignity. Being aware that I began to develop some feelings for her, I needed to be cautious. Or at least try.

On Tuesday, my leg was still far from its normal shape and the bruise was in all crimson and violet shades. But I decided to go to the gym in the evening. No running on the treadmill for me that day, but I would lie if I said that I regret missing that part. Hell, in the worst case I would focus only on my arms, I thought.

When I arrived at the gym, Vida wasn't there yet. I sat down on one of these fancy air bikes, you know, these ones where you are pedaling with your arms. And I started warming up on it, but without any commitment whatsoever.

I was looking at the entrance, which was about a hundred feet away, so I spotted Vida before she saw me. It was interesting to observe her arrival. She went in and first looked around with a focused expression. Once she noticed me, she waved and started walking in my direction.

Vida's strut caused many head turnings and drew quick glances, both from men and women. There were more people than usual and literally every one took a look at her, as she was walking through the main gym. She had an interesting choice of clothes - a white sleeveless shirt with a hood and black Lycra shorts. Her muscular arms and legs were bare and definitely catching people's attention. Vida seemed to be unaware or just didn't care, as she was used to. Or - the best possible option - she was focused only on me. Let's think that way.

But it made me wonder if the lack of shock in my initial reaction to Vida's muscles made a good impression on her. I came to the conclusion that it did. She was happy that I treated her normally. Other people made faces at her sight - from disbelief, through unhealthy curiosity, to contempt or even disgust. I didn't get these last reactions - at least not in Vida's case. Maybe some other female bodybuilders could appear as unattractive or too manly or whatever. For me Vida looked epic. Strong, healthy and vibrant. And the way she carried herself was utterly feminine. I realized that I began to appreciate her muscles not only as a part of her body obviously, but as a part of her attitude and her way of life.

"Hola Gunnar!" She greeted me and woke me from my thoughts.

Vida embraced my neck and hugged me. A pleasant scent of her hair enveloped my face. Then she gave me an inquiring look and asked about my absence yesterday. I answered simply that I couldn’t make it, and she didn’t investigate that topic further.
But I could see that she had a peculiar expression, slightly confused. As if she felt a bit guilty, at least that was my guess. Maybe she thought that I took revenge on her for not showing up last week?

Next we talked briefly about her plans for the workout, and she told me that she would be doing squats.

"So, will you spot me later?" Vida asked with a warm smile.

"I would gladly help you, but I may not be able to do that today," I answered, scratching my head awkwardly.

Vida looked at me inquiringly, and I told her about my injury from futsal. Her eyebrows furrowed. She shook her head with worried expression “You’ll think that’s stupid, but I knew that you didn't come because something happened to you. I… I just felt that.” I didn’t comment on that, as Vida surprised me with that statement.

"Show me the bruise," she asked, in a serious tone. I pulled up the cuff of my shorts and Vida scowled, visibly shocked "Carajo! It looks terrible, Gunnar! It's not a bruise, but a hematoma!"

"Ah, it's not that bad, I'll be fine," I tried to shrug it off, but it probably looked ridiculous. But what can a man say in such a situation? Every action movie I ever saw taught me only one answer - ‘it’s just a scratch’.

Vida raised her voice a bit, her eyebrows still connected. "Don't be tonto! It's really bad. Come with me!"

She started to walk, and I followed her, limping. Perhaps a bit more than before, curious case… Vida noticed that and winced with compassion. She grabbed me by the elbow and led me into a part of the gym where there were yoga mats for stretching and such. That space was completely empty.

"Sit here and wait for me, okay?" Vida said. I only nodded and she walked away.

After a couple of minutes, Vida came back, holding a medium size tube. She knelt next to me.

"Take off your shorts," she said.

"Kinky! I know that you like doing it in public, but the gym is next level," I joked to her and she rolled her eyes, but chuckled too.

"I need to have better access to that bruise," she tried to sound matter-of-fact, but I saw how her eyes widened when I tugged down my shorts and she saw that I had only briefs. Vida ogled my bulge and her cheeks blushed.

She opened the tube and squirted a bit of a gel on her hand.

"It will be a bit cold," she warned me, before applying the gel. Indeed, it was chilling, but also soothing.

"What's that?"

"An ointment for contusions. It helps. Sometimes I have bruised shins after deadlifts, you know," Vida explained, while smearing the gel on my thigh. Her touch was delicate or even tender. I was watching her apply the medicine. She made sure that the whole bruise was covered with ointment.

"You need to wait until it soaks up and dries a bit." She looked at me with genuine care. It was heart-warming.

"Sure. Thank you, Vida. And sorry that I'm distracting you from your workout," I said with honest remorse, knowing how earnestly Vida was treating her exercises. But she surprised me.

"Don't be. It's only a workout, not a life or death matter. There are more important things," she answered with a serious expression.

"Such as?" I asked, interested how she would respond.

"Such as health, Gunnar," she said firmly, while looking into my eyes.

Somehow it sounded deeper than merely a follow up to a bruised leg. It wasn't surprising at all that Vida didn't elaborate further. It gave me some understanding of her mind, although I couldn't put my finger on it, yet. I nodded pensively, and changed the topic.

"That's true. Anyway, that ointment is really good. I can feel that it already eased the pain a bit."

"I'll give you the whole tube, but you need to promise me that you'll apply this at home, okay?" Vida put her hair behind her ear. She smiled a bit.

"Thank you, my angel. You have such a good heart," I said with a wide smile, but an honest one. Although, Vida made a weird face. I called her out on it. "What is it now? Did I say something wrong?"

She didn't answer at once, just looked at me for a second, then turned her gaze away. "Nothing. I'm just... not a very good person. Far from being an angel..." she said quietly.

At first I felt a tiny surge of irritation, and almost snorted and rolled my eyes, but fortunately, I restrained myself. Vida didn't seem to be teasing and fishing for compliments, like other women do sometimes. She was serious. So, I asked her gently, "Why do you think that way?"

"Ah, it's just..." Vida waved her hand and tried to dodge the answer, but I was persistent.

"C'mon, you said A, so say B too. Don't give me scraps of information if you are not willing to continue the topic. It's rather unfair, don't you think?" I was talking calmly, yet firmly. I was kind of done with this secrecy. Or… too much of it, at least.

Vida blinked, as if surprised by my reaction. But then she nodded and looked at me. She had a sad, serious expression "You're right, I'm not being fair with you. It's just... It's also part of not being a good person. I'm selfish, Gunnar."

This time I felt puzzled, as I didn't expect such an answer. But she got me intrigued, and at the same time I felt she was judging herself too harshly.

"Aren't we all selfish sometimes?"

"Si, sometimes..." Vida agreed, but in a resigned way. She dropped her head and almost whispered "In my case it's a choice between being selfish or dishonest…  and unhappy."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked softly, leaning toward her. I touched her hand, and she looked at me. Her eyes were glossy. I could swear she was holding back tears.

"Let's not talk about that, please." Vida cleared her throat and stood up. She said with a bit of a hoarse voice "I'll try my workout, then we can go to the sauna if you want."

"Oh, sure, we can go. It's been a while." I got up too and tried to smile at her. "And I'll do some exercises too, it's time to pump these guns," I said, chuckling and pretending to flex my biceps. I wanted to cheer her up somehow, but it seemed to be very difficult.

Vida smiled, in a bit of a forced way, but hey, a smile is a smile, right? We walked back to the main gym and split up - she went to leg machines, I headed to those destined to train arms.

I was doing my shit and watching Vida across the room. I felt as if she was avoiding looking in my direction and definitely seemed to be lost in thoughts. However, after some time I noticed that she cleared her mind through the workout. Absent-minded, melancholic expression was replaced by determination and focus.

At one point her phone rang and she talked briefly in Spanish. Whoever was Vida's interlocutor, she didn't seem so tense and nervous as before, when her mother called.

What was it with this girl? Vida’s mystery wasn't concerning only her - being a private person. I could sense that behind her behavior stood something serious, maybe even tragic. But whatever it was, I could only guess at the moment and hope that she would confide in me someday.

After training, when we were heading to the sauna, Vida appeared to be more relaxed and in a better mood. Post-workout endorphins can do the magic, apparently. But of course, I was glad to see her happier.

To my delight, the sauna was completely empty and we could have some privacy. We sat perpendicular to each other. A peaceful silence appeared.

I was gazing at Vida, feeling the growing heat inside me, however not caused by being in the sauna. Black bikini, slightly wet hair and shiny, sweaty skin. Every muscle highlighted by the post-workout pump. I was watching the droplets running in rivulets down her chest and neck and felt a sudden rush of blood in my body. By impulse, I stood up in front of her.

"What?" she asked with a surprised, but also curious smile.

I leaned to her and said with feigned conspiratorial tone "I was thinking. You helped me with my swollen leg, so maybe you will know how to get rid of this swelling..." At that moment I opened my towel in a classic exhibitionist gesture. My semi hard dick dangled in front of her.

Vida's eyes shot wide, her mouth gaped and she gasped. She quickly glanced behind me to check if somebody was coming. "Heeey… you're so kinky, Gunnar," she whispered seductively and gripped my cock. Her touch made it completely hard in no time.

"And you're so sexy, Vida…" I said in a low, almost growling tone. I grabbed her under her chin and kissed her rapaciously, pushing my tongue inside her mouth. Meanwhile, her hand was slowly stroking my shaft.

When our lips drew away from each other, Vida slid down on the lower plank. "Keep that towel like a curtain and be alert if someone is coming," she purred to me with a bit narrowed eyes. Before I could even think, she engulfed the head of my dick in her mouth and straight away started to suck.

"Oooh, fuck!" I let out a throaty moan and tried to set the towel as she asked me.

But it wasn't easy, nothing really was, when these plump lips were enveloping the head of my cock. Sensations were almost debilitating for my brain, I was moaning, groaning and grunting like a primitive caveman.

Vida's right hand was stroking my shaft and with the left she began to fondle my balls, pulling them gently and caressing. Her head was bobbing back and forth, faster and faster.

When she sped up, I knew that it wouldn't last long. So, I said to her "Vida, how about we continue that on our spot? I want to fuck you so fucking much!"

She pulled my dick with a loud slurp and whispered hastily "I can't stay late today, I'm sorry. But I want to suck you dry, Gunnar, please, let me do this, bebé, please..." And without waiting for my answer, she went back to sucking me off, with even bigger intensity.

Could I really have said 'no' to such a request? I don't think so. I didn't think at the time either, I was unable to. My brain was filled only with pleasure. Overloaded.

I dropped the towel, not even noticing that. Moreover, I didn't give a simplest fuck about flashing someone with my pale naked ass. It didn't matter at all.

I reached to Vida's head and stroked her hair at first, but then I just grabbed the back of her head firmly and began to thrust my dick inside her mouth. Or it was more meeting moves of her head halfway. Vida lifted her right hand and began to explore my chest, stroking and massaging all the way. With her left she started touching herself.

That last view... Oh, God! Knowing that she was so aroused only by sucking my cock put me on edge in a second. I yelled probably way too loud and exploded in her mouth. With five or six throbbing shots I came hard in her mouth, filling her quickly, forcing her to swallow. The whole world went white for a moment.

Vida's quiet coughing forced me to open my eyes. It must have been challenging to swallow my whole load, as I came like crazy, but she managed to do so. She was licking every drop off of my cock, apparently not exaggerating earlier about sucking me dry. Her dark sparkling eyes locked on my face. She let go off my softening cock and smirked innocently.

Without much talking we left the sauna. I offered Vida a ride home, which meant dropping her at that damned Seven Eleven. But I didn't make any sarcastic comments about it, seeing that she seemed to be glad that I acknowledged that it was something she wanted.

During the ride, Vida was in… a more balanced mood, which obviously was better than seeing her sad and resigned. I was keeping my eyes on the road, but noticed out of the corner of my eye that she was looking at me with a soft smile.

"That moment in the sauna was really hot, but I wish I could, you know, reciprocate the pleasure," I teased her a bit.

"Don't worry, Gunnar. I... I had my moments too," she giggled adorably.

"Oh, you had?"

"Yeah, I must say that it was very arousing for me to... to see that my efforts were giving you so much pleasure," she said with a bit of a provocative tone.

"Careful with that temptation, Vida, because I am so close to kidnapping you and riding straight at our spot," I said it as a joke, but to be honest, it was something I really wanted to do. Ravishing Vida and fucking her in my 'drakkar' (or 'drak-car'?) was the most Viking thing I could do in the modern world, beside having a beard and eating a lot of fish. Pillaging villages and exploring the unknown lands were off limits nowadays.

She laughed and shook her head. "I wish I could stay longer today, but I promised my aunt that I will come home earlier."

"Your aunt? What's her name?" I asked casually, but had a hidden agenda in this question.

"Rita," Vida answered.

Rita. Not Maria. Who the hell was Maria then? It was still bugging me.

"Tell me more about her. What is she like?" I decided to use that opportunity to get her to talk a bit.

"My aunt is… una berraca! Badass! A different species of a woman, you know what I mean? She is the strongest person I know. Invincible," Vida said with a sudden excitement, as if she forgot about keeping her guard for a moment. About keeping everything a secret.

"You two seem to be close," I said calmly, not wanting to ruin that moment of Vida's opening up in front of me.

"Yeah, we are... Important person in my life. Aunt Rita is really something else," Vida said, looking through the windowpane. I could feel pride and respect in her voice.

"She must be. It can be felt from the way you talk about her," I said, feeling happy that Vida opened a bit.

Vida only nodded and looked away. But soon I could feel her eyes on me again and I was nearly sure that she was debating if she revealed too much. If she exposed herself. But I could only guess her possible conclusions.

When we stopped in the parking lot in front of Seven Eleven, instead of kissing me Vida pulled me into a tight hug. And she kept me embraced for a bit longer, not much, maybe a second or so, than for a simple hug to goodbye.

"See you tomorrow?" I asked.

"I can't be there tomorrow and on Thursday. So, on Friday?" she smiled and looked at me in anticipation.

"Yes, sure. I'll be there."

Vida looked warmly at me and turned toward the door, but stopped as if she reminded herself of something. She faced me again, holding her phone.

"Gunnar… Will you give me your phone number?" she asked with an unsure smile.

She caught me off guard by this question, but I managed to recompose myself enough to not show an overly excited reaction. "Sure," I said calmly and dictated my number to her.

She typed them on the screen and a second later my phone rang.

"It's me," she said and chuckled softly.

"Oh, yeah. Great. Thanks." I laughed too.

It was a bit awkward, but it was okay. I didn't want to show Vida that it was a big deal for me, and she probably didn't want to show that either. I knew that in our case, such a simple thing like exchanging phone numbers was something bigger.

"Chao, Gunnar. Remember to put the ointment on your leg!" Vida got out and closed the door. And when I drove away, she stood for a moment on the sidewalk, but this time waved.

That day was... oof! An emotional sinusoid! But it ended up in a good spot for us, I guess. With Vida opening up for me a bit more. I felt blessed by this.

It was a good day, after all. So much so that I played Ice Cube's song with that title. And looked forward to Friday. Funny enough, that was the title of another Ice Cube's song. Life is a meme itself sometimes.

[marasso]

Hi! Another part is ready for you It is kind of culminating point of the Vida's mystery.


Even though I didn't see Vida for two full days until Friday, I was constantly elated. Whatever was between us, finally seemed to find the right track. Vida opened up to me, at least to some extent and she seemed to be very into me. Hell, she even gave me her number, finally!

Wednesday and Thursday might have not existed at all, as boring and uneventful they were. However, there was one exception on Wednesday’s morning, when I received a text message from Vida. She reminded me to apply ointment on my leg. I had never expected that seeing a few words on the screen would make me so happy. And the fact that she cared about my recovery was touching. By the way, the ointment was quite effective, and by Friday my leg was in a much better shape.

Things were going so well that I came up with a plan for Friday evening, meaning a very late dinner and 'more' at my place. I wasn't sure if Vida would be on board with that, but I hoped for the best. In particular, Vida texted me around mid-day with a very promising message. She wrote: 'Hey, Gunnar. We're seeing each other at the gym, right? You know, I can stay a bit longer today...' She added a winking emoji and one showing a wondering expression. Well, if that wasn't a good sign, then I don't know what could possibly be.

When I walked in the gym, Vida was already there, warming up. It was easy to spot her straight off, not only because she was clearly the most muscular girl in the gym, but also due to her clothes. She had black sleeveless tank top, with a shred-cut back (it looked very sexy, if someone asked me), black leggings, fitting her legs like a second skin. The last detail - also black - were sporty sneakers. AC/DC could have written the Back in Black 2 in tribute for Vida. She looked like a beautiful assassin.

But even better was that Vida turned out to be in a great mood. Talkative, quipping and she seemed to be chuffed to spend time with me. It was chest day in her schedule, and since my leg hasn't fully recovered yet, I joined her workout. Out of curiosity. Probably for the first time in my life I was doing bench presses in an almost professional way. With Vida's guidance I was able to finish by pressing 202 lbs once! She said that I had potential for more and I also felt that way. Weirdly enough, but I felt that Vida was proud of me. It felt great! And my little bench press play was an exciting experience since I cared more for doing stuff with her than for breaking strength records.

Later, she proposed to go to the sauna as usual, but when I said that I would prefer to go and 'hang out' right after gym, she gave me a playful smile combined with an inquiring look. Either way, she eagerly agreed to skip the sauna session.

In the parking lot, Vida surprised me with her choice of clothes for the second time. She looked stunning! Still didn't top her stylization with that sexy dress on the party, but it was a  well-deserved second place on the podium.

She had an off the shoulder crimson blouse and daisy duke jean shorts. Her sculpted arms and legs were exposed to my eager eyes. But the best detail was another choker! This time it was a thin silver chain, tightly encompassing her neck. It looked so tempting. I guess, thanks to Vida I found a kink I wasn't aware of. It made me wonder if Vida decided to wear it because she remembered how much I liked her choker at the party. It was nice to think that she did that on purpose. For me.

"You look so beautiful tonight, Vida," I said to her when we were walking toward my car.

She smiled gracefully and answered "Thank you, Gunnar." Then she noticed that I was still limping, and asked about my leg.

"Luckily, it's much better, but a bit stiff still." I debated about making a joke referring to a different kind of stiffness, but decided against it. Better save it for another occasion.

Once we got in my car, I drove away from the gym's parking lot. We were riding in silence, until Vida noticed that we were not going to our usual spot.

"Where are we going? Not to our spot?" She asked with a calm tone, but I could sense that there was also a trail of unsureness.

"Our spot is… how do they say it in slang? Burnt? You know, because of the cops." I grinned at her and she smiled back, but again, a bit uncertain. "Tonight I'm taking you somewhere else, Vida."

"Please, tell me where. I don't like such surprises," Vida asked, this time her voice showing slight tension.

"Awww, you're no fun!" I joked to her, but she didn't respond. So I tried again "We're going to my place tonight. I want to show you… my stamp collection, hah!"

"Ahm…" She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it right after. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean… I don't know…" She started again, but finally sighed, resigned and looked out of the windowpane. I also noticed she started to rub over her temples, as if she felt some kind of discomfort.

I had a suspicion that she was trying to find an excuse to not go to my apartment for God knows what reasons. If we were dating like a normal couple, I would have thought that it was too early for her. That I pushed too quickly. But we had sex several times, in crazy public places, for fuck's sake! What was a problem here? I decided to lay it on the line.

"Listen, Vida, I need to drop by my apartment and send one file to my coworker. I can't do that from my phone. But if there is an issue for you going to my place, I can drop you first at… that Seven Eleven or wherever you want," I said pretty morosely, but I couldn't help it. Sometimes I had a really hard time understanding her.

Sending that file wasn't entirely true - though I had to do that, but not necessarily on Friday evening. I wanted to have something as a pretext. However, it was a lie and I didn't feel good about that. I just wanted to spend a nice, romantic evening with the girl I had a crush on! And maybe have sex in a bed like civilized people. Is that a crime?

But Vida surprised me, luckily in a positive way! In a reaction to my words, she turned toward me and said earnestly "No, it's okay, Gunnar! Let's go to your place."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, I'm just… I… eh, you'd think that I'm a weirdo…" She floundered, then sighed again, but this time I cut in.

"Hey, stop it! If I had thought that you were a weirdo or silly or anything, I wouldn't want to see you, Vida," I said firmly. I saw at the corner of my eye that Vida gave me a peculiar glance. It seemed that my firm statement surprised her. Also in a positive way.

"I'm just not used to visiting… anyone at all. You know, I was in other people's homes maybe five times in my life," she chuckled abashedly.

That was a bit of odd info, but I didn't comment on that. I was thrilled that she agreed. We rode up to my apartment in silence. I parked in the underground lot, Vida grabbed her bag and we went to the elevator.

If Vida still had any hesitations, she shrugged them off or at least hid them well. She stood close to me, so that our forearms were brushing against each other. It felt nice.

When we walked into my apartment, I could see that Vida's eyes widened with surprise, as she glanced around.
Yes, my place was pretty nice. Seventh floor, with a nice view of the ocean. Not very spacious, just the living room combined with kitchen, bedroom, bathroom and balcony. It was designed in a modern 'cold' way. Minimalistic. Spartan even. With truly Icelandic soul.

"I'll need just a few minutes to send this file. Feel free," I said to Vida and went to my laptop, leaving her with a slightly disoriented face.

Again I felt really awful with that seemingly little lie and decided that one time I would come clean about it. But for now, I had to do a small performance.

I sent that file within ten seconds or so and then I was clicking pointlessly on my desktop, drawing squares, secretly watching Vida. At first, she walked to the window and for a while stared at the view. Arms crossed at her chest and pensive expression. Again becoming melancholy, but not for long, fortunately. She turned around and got closer to my bookshelf. My home library wasn't big, as I betrayed my orthodox beliefs titled 'only paperback books matter!' a long time ago.

I turned off my computer and joined her. She was crouching and looking at the Icelandic edition of 'Game of Thrones'. We talked briefly about the book and I found out that she loved the novel series and hated the finale season of tv show. We did a high five on that topic.

"So… What now?" Vida stepped closer to me, her hands behind her back alluringly.

I skimmed her waist and grinned at her "Now I'll behave like a proper host, and we're gonna eat something."

Vida's eyebrows cocked, but before she could protest that idea, I took her hand and led her to the kitchen. She chuckled softly.

"Here, sit and watch," I said in a purposely exaggerated cocky way and pointed at a hocker next to the kitchen island.

Vida sat there and leaned forward, resting her chin on her fist. She smiled at me, but right before she did that, I noticed again that she rubbed her temples. I asked her about that.

“Everything okay? Migraine?”

Vida glanced at me quickly, as if she was surprised that I noticed that. She probably remembered the situation with the cops and drugs I saw in her bag. She cleared her throat and said “Not yet, but I can feel it’s coming. Probably tomorrow or the day after it will be a  full-blown migraine.”

"How do you deal with them? Have you seen a doctor yet?" I asked with concern.

"Ahm… yes, I did, of course. He said that I'm just unlucky to have them. Well, if it comes, I take meds and just try to wait it out. Then I function in a bit of zombie mode, but it is what it is." Vida waved her hand dismissively. She smiled "Nevermind, lindo. Please, continue."

"Oh, okay… You introduced me to a few delicious Colombian dishes, so it's time to return the favor. In Iceland, we eat a lot of peculiar things, some are weird as fuck, for example, a fermented shark, seal's fins or the famous hrutspungar, all time favorite, the scrumptious sour rams'... testicles." Vida's eyes almost popped out and I smacked my fingers in an exaggerated way. She laughed heartily. "But that may wait for a different occasion, I'm sure that you agree." I opened the fridge and took out a medium size, fresh salmon.

"But today let's go with something less extreme!" I placed the salmon on the cutting board. Right in front of Vida.

Then I took the knife and began to filet the fish, quite expertly I must say. Yeah, a bit of show off, not gonna deny it. I wasn't an outstanding cook overall, but I had my way around fish. As a fisherman's son, it would be a disgrace if I didn't have the required skills.

Vida was observing my knife work with interest and - if that's not too bold of an assumption - also a big dose of respect. We were exchanging glances and smiles. I seasoned salmon with black and lemon pepper, salt and a bit of lovage and turned to the stove. I heated the pan and put the salmon on it.

"You're such a catch, you know," I heard her voice behind my back.

I looked back at her, but instead of seeing, as I would expect, Vida’s seductive or at least quizzical expression, I met a serious one. It surprised me, as I didn't know the reason for that sudden change. I had no clue how to react, so I tried to turn it into a joke "Hah! I agree that fileting a fish is an impressive skill nowadays, but I don't know if that makes me a good catch."

Vida snorted, shook her head and said something in Spanish under her breath. Our eyes met, and she said "You know you are, Gunnar. You're the whole package, handsome, smart, funny. Mature and so well-educated. You should already be settled and happy with a wife and kids at your side."

Much as her voice was rather calm, her eyes were full of that typical melancholy of hers. She sounded regretful. Almost as if she… was convinced that it couldn't be her.

"Well, I would love to, but it takes two to tango, right?" I said carefully, but then I decided to reveal more how I felt about her. In a way. "But who knows, maybe it isn't so far in the future. Recently, I might have met a good catch too," I said with a meaningful smile.

The corners of Vida's lips curved into the saddest smile I ever saw. I wouldn't have ever imagined that the facial expression which should be joyful from its definition, could appear so resigned. While looking in my eyes, she slowly shook her head with the dubious expression "No, nene. I'm not. And we both know that."

"Well, forgive me for having a different opinion on that matter," I said a bit bitterly and turned for a moment to flip the fish.

"You wouldn't think like that if you knew more about me," Vida muttered quietly and dropped her gaze to the countertop. She lifted the salt shaker and for a moment examined it ruminatively.

"So why don't you try me and find out. I can listen without being judgmental, Vida. And I can see that you need to tell me. Otherwise you wouldn't mention it again. Yet, you still don't want to do that. Why is that? I don't know what to think about it, you know? Is it a trust issue?" I was trying to speak with a serious, yet gentle tone. Our eyes met for a moment, but she looked away.

After a while, she looked at me and said "It's not about trust, Gunnar… not in your case. More about a dilemma: which path should I choose? I told you about that in the gym, remember?" She asked and I nodded slowly. "And yes, you're right. I really need to tell you someday. But it will be sad… I guess that's why I'm stalling, trying to be somewhere in between." Vida looked away, and I could swear that she was trying to hold back tears. She took a deep breath and said with a slightly more cheerful tone. "So, please, let's not talk about it tonight. I'm sorry that I even brought it up. Let's make this evening fun," Vida exhaled and forced herself to smile.

"Fine, Vida. Let's eat then," I murmured and turned to the cabinets, taking out two plates. I was confused, not to say a bit dazed.

I didn't know what to think at the moment. It wasn't like I could force her to say anything more. On the contrary, I knew if I were insistent on that matter Vida would most likely hold back even more. The only option I saw at that point was to let it go and try to enjoy the rest of that evening. What else could I do?

"Yes! I must tell you that I wasn’t starving earlier, but this smells so delicious that I can't wait to taste it," Vida said, and I sensed that she was making an effort to sound less downbeat.

I plated the salmon with a few pieces of asparagus. It looked quite tasty, to be honest. Vida tried the fish and complimented me a lot. Of course, it was nice of her, but I was aware that was part of her way to distract us from the conversation. I allowed myself to follow that.

Soon, we were talking without tension again and I felt that I was hopelessly falling for her. I loved to observe her facial expressions, the way she was licking her lips, putting her hair behind her ear and all other seemingly trivial gestures which were still enthralling for me.

Vida asked me about my group from futsal, and I told her briefly about each one of them. Then I asked her about her friends and she pouted her lips with a difficult to read expression.

"I don't have any friends, Gunnar," she said wryly, looking into my eyes.

"Huh? What about these people at the party?" I asked, surprised by her statement.

"What people? Who do you have in mind?" Vida smirked all-knowingly.

"Well, I don't remember any names, to be honest. But there were many things to distract me, you know. Alcohol, loud music, a beautiful girl sitting on my lap." I winked at her and she smiled widely.

"See? I barely know their names either. Those were only familiar faces, Gunnar, not friends in any matter. None I would jump into fire for. And definitely they would have not done the same for me," she finished with a bit of a bitter tone, which wasn't surprising. Another fragment of her mystery was revealed, and I wondered why such a kind, fun and caring person like her was so lonely.

"That sucks, but hey, friendship can be overrated at times, right? It's family and loved ones that really matter," I said, barely highlighting the word 'loved'.

Vida smirked joylessly and said "Yeah, I guess it's true. I have only three close people. Aunt Rita, my cousin Adriano and my mom." She mentioned them in unusual order, but this and memory of Vida's phone call with her mother, gave me some hints about their relationship possibly not being too good. It wasn't shocking. Not without a reason there is a saying that only in photographs would your kin look nice.

I asked her more about her aunt and cousin and learned that Rita was a nurse and a really hard-working person. Again, I heard an admiration in Vida's voice when she spoke about her aunt.

Then she told me some facts about her cousin. Her tone changed into a lighter one, but here I also could sense that they indeed were close. Adriano worked as a model, and he was a big fan of motorcycles, which was quite an interesting combination.

Vida told me also about her uncle, Hernan, who was a firefighter and tragically died in the line of duty, when Adriano and Vida were late teenagers. Undoubtedly, he was an important person in Vida's life, her voice trembling when she talked about him. She told me that it was him who introduced her to weight lifting.

Since she didn't say a word about her dad, I figured out that her uncle must have been a father  figure in her life. I felt that the matter of her real father was a huge red flag, so I didn’t dwell on it.
Just like the topic of Vida’s mother - on her own, she didn’t even mention her, but nonetheless I asked what her mom was doing. Vida answered shortly that she was a biology teacher, but retired early. She tried to hide it well, but I could feel the tension, so I didn't drag out this topic further. They seemed to be on bad terms.

We finished our meal and Vida helped me clean the plates. Then she leaned on the countertop and tilted her head slightly to the side. She looked very sultry.

"Thank you for the delicious fish," she said with a light smirk, which stretched into a more impish one. "I believe that you wanted to show me your stamp collection."

I stood in front of her and pressed her against the kitchen countertop. She gasped quietly and that made my blood rush southward. With a dark smile, I said in a lowered tone of voice: "Oh, I have a big one. I keep it in my bedroom." Then I leaned down to kiss her exposed neck. And that was just the beginning.

[Mufu]

Love this story

[wowser1016]

I am not getting anywhere with the mystery of Vida. We know there is some kind of problem about her mother and we know she likes her aunt and a cousin. Other than that she at least likes salmon and maybe even asparagus which I DON'T like. I love the work you are doing but I am getting frustrated with her holding back. Nevertheless, K+!

[marasso]

Love this story

I'm happy that you enjoy it!

I am not getting anywhere with the mystery of Vida. We know there is some kind of problem about her mother and we know she likes her aunt and a cousin. Other than that she at least likes salmon and maybe even asparagus which I DON'T like. I love the work you are doing but I am getting frustrated with her holding back. Nevertheless, K+!

I understand that Vida may not be the most likable character so far, but trust me, she has valid reasons to be like this. But it is the last fragment with her mystery, a bit of patience and everything will be revealed soon Thanks for following that story, it means a lot to me!


If not for the trail of our clothes, thrown all the way from the kitchen to the bedroom, one would have thought that we had never been eating that evening. That as soon as we got e to my apartment we ended up in bed. Because it felt as if we belonged only there.

We were standing right next to my bed. Its edge was behind Vida’s calves. She was kissing me fervently, with an open mouth, nibbling the skin on my neck and chest, here and there even biting teasingly. I let her do this, holding her waist with my left hand and with my right resting on her nape, massaging it delicately. My rigid cock was squeezed between our bodies, pressed against Vida's hard, sculpted abdominals. A dim light from the night lamp was casting a big shadow of our bodies on the wall.

I wanted so badly just to throw her on the bed and take her in a crazy, fierce act of passion. But while our previous sex was always exciting and full of these wild, primal sensations, this time I wanted it to be different. Now I craved to slowly kiss her, to hold her in my arms, to caress her body and cover every inch of it with delicate pecks.
To look in her eyes while I would be filling her body. To give her pleasure. To make her mine, however not with possessiveness, but more with tenderness. To show her my feelings, which I wasn't even able to name yet, but they were there for sure. Waiting to be confessed.

I wanted all of that! And I decided to go for it.

Slowly, I slid my hands down her back, feeling her hard muscles under her warm, silky skin. A few seconds for her waist, appreciating its tightness. Vida's moans vibrated on my neck. My hands went lower and grabbed her buttocks covetingly. Again, I took my time to properly caress them, to give them as much love as I’ve always dreamt to. I squeezed, pinched and spanked them, enjoying their shape, density and firmness.

When I spread them and reached lower encountering her wet folds, Vida's body almost jolted. Then she clung to me tightly, latching to my neck like a cute vampire. Holding her by her bottom, I pulled her on me and lifted a bit. She moaned my name and wrapped my midsection with her legs. My dick snuggled under her pussy, it was so hard that it was almost painful.

Carefully, I knelt on the bed and carried Vida to the headboard. Then I put her on her back and laid down on her with all my weight. I knew she could handle it, she wasn't fragile. Vida's hips bucked upward, wanting to meet mine. Her legs were still holding my waist.

I reached to my nightstand and took out condoms from the drawer, throwing it on the floor in the process. I retrieved one rubber and tore the wrapping. The half-opened condom I put aside for now.

I laid down on Vida again, covering her neck and collarbones with wet, hungry kisses. With my right hand, I sweetly tortured her left nipple. I rolled it between my thumb and index finger. Vida was writhing in pleasure.
With my left hand, I stroked her cheek, brushing away her hair, going to the side of her neck, then to the shoulder and arm. Out of curiosity, I squeezed and groped her bicep. I was astonished by how hard it was even in a relaxed state.

That was the moment when I realized that I appreciated the whole of Vida's body in every aspect. Her muscles too, fully, with no exception or hesitation. I wanted her to know that. I wanted her to feel that I was accepting her entirely.

She gazed at me with wide open eyes and whimpered desperately "Fuck me, Gunnar, please…"

A dark smile stretched my lips. I straightened a bit and reached for the condom, rolling it on me quickly. Then I lowered myself again, leaning on my forearms. I looked directly in her eyes and said "No, I won't fuck you, Vida. But it will be even better..."

She gasped, baffled. I let that statement sink in. Her lips parted, glistening and a bit swollen from all the kisses. Eyes wide open, dark, partially due to their natural color, but mostly because of enlarged pupils. I could drown in them. And I believed that was what I was doing at the time.

My right palm again landed on her nape. I was starting to love holding her like this. That gesture was a statement itself. I want you to be mine.

Without breaking eye contact, I backed out my hips and slowly aligned my cock with her entrance. Next, with a slow and gentle, but unhesitating move I entered her and was surrounded by warm, wet tightness.

Vida groaned in a submissive way and her face grimaced in pleasure. My second thrust provoked a sweet moan from her mouth. The next ones she let out in my mouth, as I kissed her passionately. She allowed my tongue to do the same thing my dick was doing - to enter her, to fill and claim her.

My hips were moving with a slow and steady pace, but each of my thrusts was strong and deep. I managed to find a perfect angle which was giving us both immense pleasure.

She looked so beautiful - I wanted to remember that image of her forever. Her dark hair spilled on the pillow. Eyes dreamy, but focused on me. Locked in my face. Her red plump lips were creating a little oval when she was moaning and sighing in delight. Her hands held my shoulders, delicately and strongly at the same time.

That view, of her face and gaze she was giving me, was insanely arousing for me. I realized that it was the first time in my life I had sex in which physicality was less important than these emotions, these nuances and details. With that closeness which was blossoming between us.

And, for me and Vida, that was first time when we were having sex, not fucking each other like wild animals. I would have risked a statement that we were making love. I realized, I wanted it to be exactly that.

Vida raised her hand and touched my face, skimming it with her fingertips. I felt that she was getting close. Her insides were clenching around me tightly, trying to prevent me from pulling out and then sucking me in again when I was going back.

"Gunna… aaahhh!" Vida tried to yell my name, but she couldn't because her climax arrived. She tilted her head back in the pillow and her body congealed. She held my neck desperately as if she was holding on for her life.

I was getting close too and wanted to come with her, so I began to pound my dick in her with an insane pace. My hips were hitting her muscular glutes, creating the most unmistakable clapping sounds in the world.

Vida's clenched passage was so tight that my dick began to spill my jizz before I could realize that consciously. I roared loudly and collapsed on her. But I was still thrusting my swollen cock inside her, rocking her strong body into the mattress. I couldn't stop before my whole load was pumped into the condom.

After what seemed to be a never-ending orgasm, I slid out from Vida and flopped heavily on the bed next to her. But right after that I embraced her and pulled her to me. She clinched to me, putting her head on my shoulder and throwing her leg over my legs. Her right arm snuck under my neck and she rested her left hand on my chest.

I don't know how long we were laying like this, in peaceful silence, interrupted only by our at first labored, then slowly more relaxed breaths. It could be half a minute or half an hour, I couldn't tell. Time seemed to run differently. It felt absolutely perfect to hold Vida in my arms. To share a bed with her, not the back seat of the car or being in even less romantic places. Finally, it was as it should be, that's what I felt.

Vida’s thumb was making small, gentle circles on my chest and I was mimicking these moves on her shoulder. Her head was so close to my lips, that I couldn't stop myself from kissing and smelling her hair every now and then. She was purring contentedly every time I was doing it.

After some time, Vida lifted her head and tried to sit up. I loosened my embrace, but didn't let her go at once.

"Hey, where do you think you're going, huh?" I murmured to her.

She giggled quietly and smiled "I need to go to the bathroom, Gunnar"

"But come back here right after, okay? We're not finished," I said to her, but only partially as a joke. For real, I wasn't done yet. But my desire for her was much different than previously. I wanted both to take her again… and to cuddle with her too. To have sex with her many times, then hold her in my arms and fall asleep in a tight embrace.

Vida smiled again and nodded. Then she walked out of my bedroom, followed by my eyes. Her naked, glistening body looked epic in the dim light.

I stretched on the bed and realized that I still had a condom on me. I took it off and cleaned myself with a paper towel. The rubber was full of my sperm, I couldn't believe that I came  so much. But what was more surprising was that I still had a semi, and it seemed that I could be  ready to go again in a short time. To be honest, I wanted to do that with Vida for the whole night. It was a great feeling, as if I was eighteen years old again. Always ready and horny.

After a few minutes, Vida came back. She saw me ogling her and I could see that she dropped her sight abashed, but in a sexy, playful way. When she crawled up on the bed, she noticed that I was almost fully hard again. Her eyes almost popped out, and she reached to my cock.

"Oooh, estupendo… You didn't exaggerate that we're not finished, did you?" she whispered seductively and leaned on me.

We started to kiss, she was stroking my cock with one hand and touching my face with the other. When our lips parted, she looked at me with such an intense expression that I lost my breath. There was such an intimacy between us that I asked her on impulse "What are we, Vida?"

"What do you mean?" She whispered back, carefully, but it was obvious that she knew what I was asking. I could see a mixture of emotions in her eyes. Hope, but also fear. Curiosity intermixed with uncertainty.

"I'm asking about us. What are we?" I repeated firmly and stroked her cheek. My hand stayed on her neck.

It took her a while to answer. Before she did that she was looking at me with some sad desperation. Her hand was still working on my cock which was making the whole scene even more intimate, in a weird, but also adequate way.
She cleared her throat and said quietly "Do we... Do we have to name it? Can't we just... be? Here and now? Please, Gunnar, let's enjoy that… while it lasts." At the end, her voice slightly cracked.

I didn't realize what she meant at that point. Or more likely - I blocked that out. It hit me later though, but right now I reached for another condom and passed it to her. That was my only answer. It turned out that I was going to enjoy that, no matter what.

Vida quickly opened the wrapping and put the condom on me. Then she straddled me, lined up my dick with her entrance and sat down on my hard beyond limits cock. There  was something desperate in the way she impaled herself on my dick. She looked at me with almost despair.
Then she leaned down, held my face with both hands and started to speak in Spanish. I didn't understand a word, but somehow… I did. I knew that it wasn't sexy, dirty talking. Her voice was tender and shaky. I knew that she was saying things she wouldn't dare say in English. Things she would have wanted to say, but was afraid.

"It's okay, Vida," I said to her and pulled her on me. She went silent and pressed her face between my neck and shoulder. I held her in a tight hug, simultaneously began to push my hips up to meet her. Soon the whole bedroom was filled by our moans.

We did that so many times that night that I lost track. Various positions and angles during passionate love making, but one thing remained unchanged - the feeling of closeness between us and… our bond. Yes, I called that bond. I really felt that. And I believed that Vida did that too.

When finally, we were completely spent and exhausted, Vida snuggled with her back to me and said quietly "Please, hold me, Gunnar"

I did what she asked, spooning her and hugging tightly to my chest. I kissed the back of her head and felt as her hand was closing on mine. It was so ideal that I could die happily at that moment.

"Goodnight, lindo…" she whispered.

"Goodnight, Vida," I said.

Right before my mind drifted away, I thought about what she said.
'Enjoy it while it lasts'.
What did she mean? Why did this thing between us have to be only momentary? Why was she so convinced that it would end at some point? Chaotic, blurred thoughts were whirling inside my head. Maybe she was about to move out of the city? Going back to Colombia? No, for sure she wasn't. Was she… No, don't even think that… dying? Was she terminally ill? No… No, she wasn't… She wasn't!

Forcefully I pushed away these terrifying thoughts and hugged the already sleeping Vida tighter. I inhaled the scent of her hair and soon after I dozed off.

I slept like a stone. No dreams, nothing, only blackness. When I opened my eyes, it was very bright in the room. The light struck my eyes, but despite an unpleasant feeling I still opened them wide. Because Vida wasn't next to me. I lifted my head and for a moment listened carefully. No, she wasn't in the bathroom. Nor in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for us. I just knew that she left. She was gone.

At first, I was so dazed that I didn't feel anything. My mind went blank. I looked around as if I didn't recognize my own room. If not for the bunch of used condoms on the floor, I could think that it was all a dream. That she was never here.

I reached for my phone, but there were no messages from Vida. Nothing. It was an odd impulse, but I checked if I really had her number. If that wasn't a mischievous illusion too. No, I still had it. I pressed the call button and put the speaker on. There was no signal! I tried again, but it ended up the same. Hastily, I wrote a message to her and sent it, although without any hope that she would answer or even receive it.

I stood up quickly and walked toward the bedroom door. Only then I noticed a piece of paper on the floor, next to the bed. It had to fall off when I got up.

It was a little note - a simple, but nice drawing of a black hair girl with a sad face, an ominous tornado and clouds with lightning over her head. There were two words strongly written, almost carved in paper - 'I'm sorry'.

Vida… was gone for real. 

[crow004]

They are pulling on my heart-strings!!

[sgsg69]

This is an amazing story, I hope the Viking conquers the world to find her!! Muco Karma to you for your writing style and descriptive prose..........K++++

[wowser1016]

Okay, I've got it. She's actually married and it is not a good one. But she is stuck and divorce is not an option. Right? Or, she is a wanted criminal, bank robber, serial killer...come on what is it with her? Sigh. Anyway, K+!

[marasso]

They are pulling on my heart-strings!!

Thank you! The story will get even more emotional now

This is an amazing story, I hope the Viking conquers the world to find her!! Muco Karma to you for your writing style and descriptive prose..........K++++

Oh, thank you so much for that feedback! I think it won't be a big spoiler, if I say that there will be a happy ending, but not without a struggle.

Okay, I've got it. She's actually married and it is not a good one. But she is stuck and divorce is not an option. Right? Or, she is a wanted criminal, bank robber, serial killer...come on what is it with her? Sigh. Anyway, K+!

Hah, these are interesting guesses, but all wrong However, I won't keep you all in the darkness, in that part Vida's mystery will be revealed. Thank you Wowser1016 for giving me support, it means a lot to me!


Vida's phone was dead all day Saturday. And for Sunday too. And for Monday as well. Nothing. Nada. No signal and only a robotic female voice tormenting me with her phrase: 'please try again…' So I was trying - during those three days I was calling her almost every hour, while mentally struggling.

First of all, I simply worried for Vida's safety. Terrifying thoughts were haunting me all the time. She sounded so ominous at the end! What if she left my apartment and something horrible happened to her? An accident? Or some wacko assaulted her? Miami is not the safest city in the US, right? These visions were mortifying. I tried to rationalize them with various scenarios that her phone just got broken, or she lost it or even, in the worst case, someone stole it. But Vida was fine, healthy, and unharmed. That's what I was convincing myself to think.

But to be honest, I felt powerless. This situation didn't differ much from that before the party - the fact that this time I had Vida's number didn't change anything. I still had no way to contact her. Even if she would turn on her phone, she could have just… not answered it. Actually, I would expect her not to pick up my calls, considering the way she left my place.

I didn't know where she lived and basically, there were only two spots where I could have met her - the gym and that fucking Seven-Eleven in Flagrami district.

So, I tried the first place on Saturday. Because of my nervousness I even forgot about the futsal session and just stood my friends up. I went to the gym almost an hour earlier than usual and stayed there until closing. I wasn't focused on workout, it didn't matter. 

Vida didn't show up.

And the same went with Sunday and Monday. However, I kept going to the gym for the next few days, trying different hours. But it was all in vain.

I also tried to… it sounds really pathetic when I say it out loud… to sit in my car in the parking lot next to that Seven-Eleven, where I dropped Vida every time. I spent almost two hours there, watching people going in and out and from time to time, walking  around the supermarket and areas nearby. But not only was it futile, it also made me feel like an idiot. Like a complete moron and even a creepy stalker. After one attempt I abandoned that idea. I would rather not let myself be controlled by some teenage obsession. It wasn't me.

I thought that there would be a better chance with the gym and I even asked the chicks at the reception if Vida showed up there, under the pretext that I found something in the parking lot, which I believed was hers. But they couldn't help me, probably because of personal data protection policy.

However, did Vida really dump me if we even weren’t really together? Can a relationship which doesn't even exist be broken like that? Her note, if it even can be called that, didn't say anything about her not wanting to see me again, only that she was sorry.

I didn’t get it, that evening was so great, everything between us seemed to be on the right track! I felt her real emotions! Her real self! And she decided to get away from it after that?!

Vida's disappearance made me go through the modified version of five stages of grief. First one - was fear - like I said, I was worried about her. Who wouldn't be? But after a week of searching for her and also following the local news about accidents, missing persons and so on, I was sure that nothing bad happened to her.

Vida simply ran away.

And that conclusion put me in the second stage - anger. I felt hurt and deceived. Again, who could really blame me for feeling that way?

Vida didn't want to continue whatever was between us? Fine! She should say so! I would have been able to accept it after some time. It wouldn't be easy because I really started to fall in love with her, but I would have swallowed that bitter pill somehow. I was a grown up man. I had coping mechanisms. But she did that in… a cowardly way. I believed that I deserved some closure. Some explanations. To hear the truth, even if it would be hurtful!

I was aware that there had to be something tragic behind her reasons, but whatever it was, she really could tell me, in particular, if she wanted to end our…  thing. Just to be clear and honest with me.

Although, next time a thought about the Vida's mystery came to my mind, I went into phase three - sadness. My anger subsided, at least temporarily, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

I knew that Vida truly suffered because of whatever she was struggling with. Two things she said were coming to me over and over again.
'Enjoy it while it lasts' and that dilemma of hers, the choice between being selfish and dishonest or being happy. I couldn't get rid of the crushing thought that Vida was terminally ill. Many pieces of information seemed to fit that theory. She didn't want to invest fully into a relationship, she didn't want to undertake the steps people who date each other normally take. How long did it take until she even gave me her phone number? And there were the  migraines she was suffering from. She was taking a really huge amount of strong painkillers on a daily basis.

But there were other clues that were suggesting something else. Vida seemed to have low self-esteem concerning her education, job and her personality too. She was judging herself really harshly, like she spoke about not being a good match for anybody. That she was far from being an angel.

And she was very secretive about her relatives, her parents in particular. Was she coming out of some pathological family and was ashamed of it? Addicts? Domestic violence in the picture?

The next week I was on the continuous emotional rollercoaster. I felt as if I was being tossed between sadness and anger, and overall depression. Completely deflated, I was going to the gym everyday, but Vida didn't show up.

Finally, the fourth stage came - resignation. I was slowly giving up hope that I would meet Vida again. And it was tearing up my heart. I only stronger realized that I missed her. That I had true feelings for her. And I wanted her in my life. But life had different plans for me. Yup, that didn't sound pompous at all.

I knew what the fifth stage was. Acceptation for the loss. But I didn’t feel that I was ready for it.

***

After those nearly two weeks of struggle, my life eventually came back to normal, more or less. I wasn't happy, I didn't make peace with it yet, but I had no other choice than to live the way I had lived before I met Vida. Which was pretty dull. It was only a sad reminder how exciting those days were when I was meeting with her.

But it was what it was, I had to suck it up. When another boring Wednesday came I went to the gym, mentally slapping myself to stop feeling even a figment of hope to see Vida. And it was a proper attitude, as she wasn't there, obviously. But it would be pointless to deny that I felt disappointment. It was stronger than me.

After another half-hearted workout, as unsurprisingly, I had trouble finding motivation, I threw my bag on the backseat of my car and headed home.

I was lost in thought, which began to be my new state of mind, so I didn't realize at first that there was a motorcycle behind me, almost on my bumper. I noticed him when he flashed me a few times with his headlights. What the hell? I checked my speedometer, but I wasn't speeding or - what could be even more infuriating for guys like him - going obnoxiously slow. So, what did he want?

I got closer to the right side of the road in case he would have wanted to pass me, but he kept driving right behind me. I even slowed down and he did the same. Then I sped up and he did it too. Fuck!

I started to wonder if I accidentally cut him off, and he had a classic road rage attack. Or if I even had to do anything to make that douchebag angry. He was sitting on my tail. I was getting close to my apartment and the guy looked as if he was willing to confront me, so instead of driving straight to my block I pulled over at the nearest gas station. Better not to show psychos where I lived.

I parked at the side, opened my door and stepped out of my car. The motorcyclist stopped nearby, jumped off his vehicle and started to walk in my direction. He was kind of short, but his jeans and leather jacket looked pretty filled.

While I was nervously thinking what to grab as an improvised weapon if things got nasty, the motorcyclist took off his... or rather her helmet. Because it was a girl. With black hair.

It was Vida.

I was shocked and I wasn't at the same time. It was her style, to appear like this, out of nowhere. My mind went blank for a moment, but I could feel that emotions were starting to churn up in me. Not the positive ones.

She came closer, and I was intensely staring at her. My expression most likely wasn't very friendly, but I couldn't help it. All that mental hassle I went through over the past two weeks suddenly came back to me. Well, I was seeing the reason for all of that, standing right in front of me.

Vida's face was paler than before, and she had shadows under her eyes. She appeared to be tired, but even more - she seemed  guilty. Good, she should be, I thought, gritting my teeth. Her dark, sad eyes gazed straight into mine, but she looked down quickly.

"I was looking for you, Gunnar," she said tentatively and looked at me again. She raised her hand, as if wanted to reach toward me, and dropped it immediately, seeing me standing tensely. What did she expect? That we will fall into each other's arms?

"Oh, really? Wow! That's so unexpected," I said sarcastically. Then I sighed and shook my head in disbelief, adding with a morose and bitter tone "Vida, you have my number, and you know where I live. You didn't have to 'look for me'. It could be done much, much easier than chasing me on the motorcycle. And much earlier."

"I know, I just wanted… to see you in person. I'm sorry, Gunnar. I'm…  I'm an idiot. A complete mess." Her voice cracked, and she dropped her head.

Vida stood like this for a moment, looking at the ground. Some part of me wanted to touch her shoulder, but the other - stronger one - didn't. That second part won, but not without internal struggle. So I waited until she collected herself.

She raised her wet eyes and gazed at me. "I wanted to speak with you, Gunnar. I'm aware that… you may not want that anymore. Any of that… But please, give me a chance to… at least try to set this right."

"Well, I told you already that we could talk anytime you want. And you're wrong. I want to hear what you have to say. You owe me that." I said dryly.

Vida nodded and swallowed hard. I noticed that she was nervously clicking the windshield of her helmet. "You're right. I promise that I'll tell you everything that I should have told you earlier… But I was scared." Vida winced ruefully, and looked aside for a moment. "Will you go with me to a spot where we can talk?"

"Where exactly, Vida? I don't feel in the mood for all these surprises and mysteries anymore." I said with a wry smirk, but without humor. Seriously, I felt fed up with these crazy ideas. But to be honest, on the other hand, I missed them a bit too. I felt torn, not only with that. 

Vida blinked surprised, but said hastily. "It's on the beach, very close to your apartment. Only a five-minute ride from here."

"All right. Let's go then. Go first, and I'll follow you," I said to her and could see that again she was a bit disappointed.

"Oh. I thought…" She hesitated, but then made up her mind. "Okay, nevermind, follow me then."

She put the helmet on and got on the motorcycle. I hopped into my car, and soon we were driving on the main road. Together, but separately. How meaningful…

I was watching Vida’s back and wondering if whatever was between us was still possible to be salvaged. The more I thought about that the less hope I had. It all depended on what she was about to tell me. If she finally would be completely honest and transparent with me. But if she were like this, that still could mean the end, considering what her previous words indicated. Eh, fuck… We were between a rock and a hard place…

Vida was right, it took us about five minutes to get to the small parking lot near the beach entrance. We parked next to each other.

"I didn't even know that you have a motorcycle. But what did I know in the first place, right?" I said to her. It came out sharply. God! I felt so sour, but I couldn’t help it.

Vida dropped her eyes and for a moment was silent. Then she said "It's my cousin's. I told you that he has one."

"Ah, yes, indeed," I answered, recalling that she actually told me about that. If that was the truth, obviously. Nothing was sure anymore.

Vida glanced at me and I could see that she was hurt by my attitude, but tried to swallow it. Well, if she had some integrity after all, she should know that my behavior was rather justified.

She surprised me when she answered, as if referring directly to my thoughts. An emotional pain could be heard in her voice. "I know, Gunnar, that you think I'm a liar. That I was nothing but dishonest toward you. You have every right to think and feel that way. I just wanted to assure you that I didn't lie with what I told you about myself, my family and so on. I admit, it wasn't a lot, but it was all true. But, yes, I was dishonest with you in a way… because I hid other facts."

I took some time to answer, as we walked along the beach. It was a nice sunset, very romantic scenery. But the vibe between us was nothing of the sort, unfortunately.

"I don't know what to think about any of this, Vida. What is the truth, what is not… It all became really fucked up." I shook my head, as we sat down on the still warm sand.

She nodded slowly and turned her face toward the coastline. In the orange light of the setting sun, her skin resembled pure gold. She looked so beautiful, yet weirdly tragic.

"I just hope that when you hear that, you will be able to… to forgive me. That it'll give you some understanding of why everything involving me is so fucked up. That you won't think…" Her voice cracked, and she grunted. "That you won't think badly of me, when we… when we… you know." She finished almost voicelessly, looking hopelessly at me.

I knew what she meant at the end. And just like her, I didn't want to say or hear it loudly.

"Then tell me Vida, what that secret is. Start with the reason why you left in the middle of the night, and your phone was dead. You know how fucking worried I was? How scared I was about you?!" I exclaimed, but that was the truth. All these emotions were hitting me again with a great force.

She looked at me, blinking rapidly. I saw tears gathering in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Gunnar, I didn't want you to feel that way," she whispered and went silent, turning her face away from me. I was waiting and she continued after a while. Her voice was shaky. "There were two reasons why I left that night. I got a text from my aunt that…" she took a deep breath "That my mom felt bad and had to be taken to a hospital."

Hearing that, halted my anger a bit. Family issues again? I had that thought in the back of my head, it could be yet another excuse, but Vida didn't seem to be lying. Or I was a complete sucker? I truly had no way to determine which.

I sighed and said in a calmer tone "Okay, I understand that. I hope she is fine now. You could text me just to let me know. But you didn't want to do that, apparently. I guess that was because of the second reason, right?"

"Yes. I just freaked out, Gunnar! I panicked!" Vida burst out in a whining voice.

"Freaked out? But because of what?"

Vida sighed. "That evening with you was so beautiful, and I realized that we got really close… Too close." She started to explain, but I couldn't stand it and interrupted her abruptly.

"Oh, for fuck’s sake! Are you serious right now?" I made a facepalm and she went silent. With an annoyed tone, I continued "You freaked out because we got too close? Because being close with me was so terrible for you? Unacceptable? Because you'd preferred to keep me as a guy who you could occasionally fuck and then move on, when you got bored?"

"I never treated you like that, Gunnar! ¡Nunca, jamás! It's not like that, you don't get it!" She raised her voice too, but with more desperate tones.

Vida fixed her eyes on the horizon and tears started to roll down her cheeks. It was squeezing my heart to see her in that state. I wanted to treat her like I did earlier, like the girl I spent such a great time with, like the person I started to fall in love with. I felt as if some words needed to be said, but I wasn’t so sure anymore.

"I'm sorry," she mouthed.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. I felt as if I was losing my normal self. Yes, I was hurt, but it didn’t mean that I had to hurt her in return.

I turned to her and said “I’m sorry too, Vida. I told you that I will listen, and now I’m behaving like this. But your disappearance fucked me up really hard. I’m confused. You know that there was a time that I even thought that you gave me a false name? I accidentally heard someone calling you Maria during the phone call… Then the situation with the cops confirmed that your name is Vida, and I was even more confused,” I admitted and shook my head.

We were sitting for a moment in silence, so close to each other physically, yet we couldn't be more distant.

"It's my mother…" Vida mumbled quietly and I barely understood that.

"What?"

"Maria. It's my mother," she repeated, this time looking in my eyes. She nodded knowingly, seeing my confusion. "I can guess what you are thinking right now. Yes, my mother's name is Maria. She is the reason for… for everything, to put it simply."

"What are you saying?" I asked, totally baffled.

Vida winced apologetically. "¡Mierda… I'm sorry, Gunnar, I know that I'm incoherent, but it really isn't easy to say." She took a big breath and then blurted out at once "My mother is ill. She has severe schizophrenia."

Oh, fuck… That news hit me like a baseball bat. I had no answer for it. Crestfallen, I was gazing at Vida. All of a sudden many of the puzzle pieces finally began to find their places. But it all went in a really dramatic direction. 

She looked at me with a resigned expression and continued, her tone seemed flat. "When we were in your car after… you know… she called me while being on the verge of another episode. That's why she sounded like she did, that's why she was calling me by her own name. She was already detaching from reality. And now, since… the day I left your apartment, she had a really hard bout, and she was in the secure facility for a few days. Again, for the umpteenth time in her life."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Vida," I croaked with a weird voice, which hardly sounded like my own.

Vida made a hard-to-read gesture with her hand and dropped her head. For a moment, she was repetitively grabbing sand and letting it spill from between her fingers, clearly lost in her thought.

I was sitting stiffly, shocked by that revelation. It didn't explain everything, but it explained a lot, for sure. Not in a good way, though. I couldn’t wrap my head around that news. It was impossible to even imagine what Vida had to go through having a mentally ill mother, how everything in her life had to be affected by this.

After a moment of silence, Vida started to tell her story. Her voice was flat. “She has been ill for almost my entire life. I don’t know when exactly she started to have it, but I believe she had first symptoms while we were still living in Colombia. I was about six or seven then. I’m pretty sure that was the reason why my father left her… Even though mom told me later that they just argued and decided to split. I knew that she didn’t want me to hate him, in case if… something would happen to her and I needed to seek his help or something. But I figured out that he was a coward who abandoned his wife because she became a burden. Sólo un malparido hijueputa!”

Her jaws clenched. "We were struggling to make ends meet. My mom's parents passed away, and the family from my father's side didn't want to have anything in common with us. Our only relatives were living here, in the States - aunt Rita, uncle Hernan and Adriano. So, my mom decided to sell everything and move. It was even harder at the beginning, but at least we had help and could start over."

Vida cleared her throat and wiped her cheeks, but tears kept coming. Initially, I wanted to say something, but decided against it. I didn't want to interrupt her.

"Mom found a job as a teacher and I went to school. It wasn't easy to be a new kid, let alone an immigrant knowing only a few words in English, but I was learning fast, with Adriano's help. Well, if not for him, Rita and Hernan, we most likely wouldn't survive. In particular, when my mother had her first severe episode at work…" Vida’s voice cracked again, and she went silent for a moment.

I was still sitting motionless, letting her speak.

"Soon after that, she was forced to take an unpaid sick leave and aunt Rita had to almost drag her to the doctors for a diagnosis. I think that my mother already knew that she was mentally ill, but was still living in denial or… I don't know what she was thinking. But they confirmed severe paranoid schizophrenia." Vida looked at me for a moment with a sad expression.

"You know how cruel kids can be, right? If you have anything different, even something small like, I don't know, protruding ears or crooked bite, they can pick on you forever and ruin your life. So imagine how the perfect target for bullies was a girl whose mother was crazy. I had no life in school, no friends whatsoever. Only fantasy books in a library were my sole companions…"

I reached for her hand and wanted to hold her, but she only squeezed it back once and let go. 

"It became a bit better when I went to high school, as no one knew me there. But I was aware that it was impossible for me to have a truly fresh start. Things would have come up eventually. So, I was isolating myself from everybody. My only friend was my cousin. And my aunt and my uncle… they basically adopted me. They raised me… well, uncle only until he died."

Vida put a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and continued.

"The state of my mother's health was gradually deteriorating. She couldn't keep any job, the drugs she was taking were shit and we couldn't afford anything better. The meds were making her either numb or agitated and aggressive." Vida laughed bitterly. "You know that even the fact that I started working out and became so muscular was due to my mother? Not only because that rigid training brought some order into the chaos that my life was, but mostly because I had to be physically strong to be able to lift my mom’s unconscious body from her own vomit! Or to restrain her when she had violent episodes! She once stabbed me with a fruit parer! And then, when she regained clarity, she tried to hurt herself because of remorse!" Vida sniffed, and hid her face in her hands.

I touched her back, her body was shaking. She took a big breath.

"And that's how it looked, Gunnar. You asked me after the party about my ex-boyfriends and were surprised when I told you that I had none, remember?" She asked and I nodded. "Well, I promise to tell you everything, so… I was with only one guy before you, Gunnar. His name was Nathan. He was a good kid from a rich family and even though I was guarded and leery like a wild, cornered animal back then, he still wanted to date me. Till today, I don't know what he saw in me, maybe had a thing for broken, miserable girls. Most likely. However, it felt so good to… finally be liked. To have someone who would appreciate my company. But like every fairy tale, it was short and felt not real. Nathan’s parents somehow found out about my mother's condition and forced him to break up with me. They couldn't stand that their son was dating some Latino 'peasant' girl, burdened with a bad gene pool from her insane mother. As it would be a mésalliance…"

"I'm very sorry to hear that, Vida," I said in such a cliché way, but what else could I say, really? There were no sufficient words to wisely summarize such a tragedy. I was thinking intensely how I could react to that, what to say, and how to soothe Vida’s suffering. Suddenly, all of my hurt feelings and anger disappeared. They seemed to be really meaningless or even petty compared to what Vida came through.

"So, I’d wish that my mother was fine too, but she isn’t. And she won’t be ever," she said quietly and raised her eyes at me. They were full of tears. "And neither will I, lindo…"

"What? What are you talking about?" I asked with a faint voice. Please don't say this, Vida, please...

But the Universe, God or whatever were deaf to my prayers. Vida smiled in the saddest way and said: "Gunnar, what else possible I could be trying to say? You probably know that schizophrenia is highly hereditary. And it usually strikes when someone is between twenty-six and twenty-eight. You know how old I'm now."

"But…?" I wanted to say something, to deny and protest that somehow, but words stuck in my throat.

"I'd like that there would be a chance for any 'buts'", Gunnar. I have it, lindo, I just have it too! I'm doomed to have it! The first symptoms…" Vida burst in tears and words were spilling out of her mouth in an uncontrollable way. "I have them, Gunnar! Mood changes, emotional instability, paranoid thoughts, memory losses! And these fucking migraines!"

"But there must be a way, Vida, to work this through. The treatment…" I tried, but she didn't let me finish.

"No, you can't work through schizophrenia! Es imposible! And the treatment either makes you into a brainless zombie or a wild animal! You can't live normally with this illness! Or with a person, who has it! I know that first hand! My life… was… is… a misery, Gunnar! I couldn't go to college even though I had really good grades! Fucking straight A's! But I couldn't just dump the whole care of my mother on aunt Rita! She already had a lot on her plate! And we didn’t have money for a caregiver. I was also unable to find a normal day job because I had to take care of her, and take long leaves during her episodes! I couldn't have anything at all, what other girls had. Friends, meetings, going out with a boyfriend! Everybody knew that I would become a burden in the future! There is a fucking time-bomb in my head!"

"Vida…!" I touched her forearm, wanting to calm her down somehow, but she leaped to her feet. I stood up too.

"I'm so sorry, Gunnar! Please! Please forgive me for dragging you into my madness! You see now why I didn't tell you earlier? You know now what choices I had? I chose to be selfish, nene, because I wanted to see you! To be happy with you! To have at least an ersatz of normal life! Even if that would be an illusion, I wanted to have it!" She was bursting out these words in one breath, with a wailing voice. The dam for her emotions she was holding for years was now broken.

I was standing in front of her, shocked and devastated. In hindsight, I knew that I should say something, but as most humans I tend to have clever answers only after a situation, not during it.

"That's why I can't do that anymore, Gunnar. I can't do that to you! I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You're a great person, a wonderful, funny and smart man who should have a normal, stable woman in his life. Not a worthless mess like me!"

"Stop saying things like that!" I yelled and tried to embrace her, but she blocked me, putting her forearms on my chest. She was strong, but I was pulling her decisively and she finally let me hug her, crying and sobbing.

"Please, Gunnar, let me go…"

"Vida, calm down for a moment. After all we can…" I tried to reason with her, but it was impossible.

"We can't! We can't, Gunnar! It would only damage you! I'm so sorry if I hurt you, corazón. Please, forgive me. And forget about me." She pushed herself out of my embrace. Her wide open eyes locked into mine.

"Vida, please…"

She shook her head slowly. Her facial expression was a mix of despair and determination. "Thank you, Gunnar, for these few weeks of joy you gave me on my borrowed time. Siempre serás mi Vikingo. Goodbye," she said, turning away and she walked off.

"Vida, wait!" I called her, but then she quickened her pace. And I knew that there was no sense in chasing her. There was no sense in anything anymore.

I did what I thought could happen only in overly dramatic movies - I slumped to my knees, feeling completely powerless and crushed.

Soon after I heard the engine starting and Vida’s motorcycle screeching away.

It was over.

[sgsg69]

Say it ain't so!! But, can we have some please?

KARMA to you...........

[Sounder9-]

Definitely a whiplash of an update! Great job it really held me in suspense.

[wowser1016]

I certainly didn't see that as an ending and since I hate bad endings I can only hope you are going to come up with a way out of this for both their sakes. You definitely kept my attention. Well done. K+!

[marasso]

Say it ain't so!! But, can we have some please?

KARMA to you...........

Definitely a whiplash of an update! Great job it really held me in suspense.

I certainly didn't see that as an ending and since I hate bad endings I can only hope you are going to come up with a way out of this for both their sakes. You definitely kept my attention. Well done. K+!

Thank you for your comments! I'm glad that story keeps you intrigued. Guys, it's not the end of the story and wowser1016 - I hate bad endings too, so there won't be one

Enjoy another part!


I don't know how long I stayed on the beach, sitting numbly and staring into the darkness, but it had to be almost till dawn. When the first beams of sun were emerging on the horizon, I strenuously got up and went back to my car. The sunrise probably was beautiful, but that was the last thing I could care about.

I felt as if someone kicked me in the head, then a few times stomped on it, just to be sure that I was stunned enough. In the car, Cyndi Laupher tried to sing her True Colors, but I shut her up by turning off the radio. For me colors vanished, everything seemed to be dark gray.

The next days were excruciating - I wasn't able to focus on anything but what Vida had told me. All this news utterly crushed me. I knew that I couldn't do anything about it and that was the most depressing part. An absolutely powerless feeling.

I spent sleepless nights thinking about the tragedy Vida has been living through her entire life. It was breaking my heart when I tried to imagine how she must have felt rejected by almost everyone. How she felt judged and shamed every day. And how lonely she was… How devastating it was for her to know that every opportunity for a better fate was taken away from her. Just because of the fact that she had no influence nor was it her fault.

After all these revelations I felt nothing but compassion for Vida. My previously hurt feelings now looked detestably petty. Finally, I came to understand why she was behaving that way. And I forgave her. 'I, me and my' seemed to be no longer important in that equation. But it didn't make me feel any better. Would I be another person in her life who abandons her? Even though it was her choice in our case, I still would turn out to be yet another one who gave her up. Like a quitter.

I was questioning if I really was going to let her go. To just forget about her as she asked me. Of course I didn't want to! I fell in love with her! Who would I be to reject a woman because of illness?!

At the same time I couldn't pretend that mental disease was a trifle for me. I knew that Vida was right. Living with someone mentally ill was truly a nightmare. A relationship with such a person would eventually turn into taking care of her 24/7 and that inevitably led to frustration and exhaustion. Was I ready for that?

But besides thinking purely emotionally, I was trying to approach it in accordance with my character - calmly and meticulously. I was reading about schizophrenia and other mental illnesses, digging deeper and deeper into the PubMed database. It didn't make me much wiser, but I found one thing which seemed off.

Migraines weren't mentioned as schizophrenia's symptoms. Of course, I wasn't certain as I was light years away from being an expert in this topic, but I read multiple articles about diagnostics of mental diseases and there was nothing about strong head pain. My research indicated though, that migraines can be caused by strong and prolonged stress and Vida was under such stress for years, so that could be it. It also could mean that she had both migraines and schizophrenia. I had no way of telling what else was or wasn't possible.

As I didn't even know if Vida was diagnosed, these were only my speculations, but it was something. A little glimmer of hope. When I assured myself that it may be a clue, without much thinking I grabbed my phone and tried to call Vida. But it was turned off again. Dammit…

Suddenly realizing that I wanted to see her again so badly, I logged into my rarely used Facebook account in order to see if Vida had her profile there. There were several Vida Diaz, some with 'z', some with 's', but none of them was her. Or her profile was one without any photo? No luck with Facebook and I saw no sense in checking other social media, as she most likely wasn't there or was but under an alias.

I knew that with her body Vida could have a huge fan base on Insta****, but I doubted that she had an account there. Not with her secretiveness. Insta**** was a natural habitat for extroverts or should I say - exhibitionists.

Then I recalled about her streaming games on Twitch. But how could I find her there? I was certain that she wouldn't be doing that under her real name, but still tried to search for a couple of phrases involving 'Vida'. Unsurprisingly, no results.

But I wasn't willing to give up. I decided to approach it differently and inserted the phrase 'muscular girl Twitch' directly in Google. And I was quite shocked by the number of results!

Apparently amateur female bodybuilders and fit girls streaming games or… just themselves, was a big thing on Twitch.

I searched Google graphics and videos sections and there were hundreds of images, either pics, GIFs or short clips. But after countless mouse scrolls, there was no trail. However, I encountered a Reddit discussion run by female bodybuilders enthusiasts. They were posting materials from streaming platforms, usually asking other users if they can provide a particular girl’s name or links to her Twitch, Insta**** and other media.

And there I found Vida! My heart almost stopped, when I realized it was really her. It was only a short clip, about 10 seconds or so, showing her in quite a dark room, sitting in a gamer armchair. She was talking to the camera, but I didn't know what, as the audio was muted.

Vida looked different in that clip, both due to the dimness of the room and her outfit - she had black bandana on her head and much stronger make up than she usually used. That's why I had trouble recognizing her at first. Perhaps she wanted to slightly disguise herself, not to be recognized? That would be very typical for her.

But the most important thing - it was her! My heart rapidly sped up, as I watched that short clip multiple times. Next I started to read the discussion below - there were about a dozen comments. For some weird reasons, I found it a bit pleasant that no one seemed to know anything about Vida's identity, except her Twitch account name - LunaGaming.

Bingo! Excited, with shaking hands, I launched Twitch's main site and searched for Vida’s account. To my surprise, she had scheduled a stream in an hour. So, I left Twitch open and just waited. There was a counter of viewers in the corner, and I noticed that there were about fifty other users waiting for Vida’s stream too.

The thought of seeing Vida in real time caused  mixed emotions. An unusual combination of simultaneously being elated and depressed. Yes, I'm going to see her, but I won't be able to tell her how important she became for me. Maybe even never, if I had not done something. But what could I possibly do? Vida made up her mind, thinking that it will be best for us to stop seeing each other. She did that because of me, to not let me be hurt by her disease in the future. It was heroic of her, but at the same time tragic. She didn't deserve such a fate. And there was me, who could change that, yet I was sitting in front my computer and waiting for her stream, knowing that it would be torture for me. Eh, I felt as if I had only bad choices available.

A sudden brightening on my screen woke me up from my chaotic thoughts. The static picture faded away and instead the same room appeared that I saw on that clip. Then the camera was adjusted and Vida emerged into the frame.

I leaned toward my screen too and watched Vida closely, as if I didn't want to miss any detail. Seeing her made me feel a longing tightening of my chest. Again, she had a bandana, this time red and her eyes were painted heavily, giving her a Goth look. She was wearing a violet sleeveless tank top, exposing her bulging muscular arms. But she looked beautiful and sad, as always. It only squeezed my heart more. By an impulse, I pressed the print screen button and took a few screenshots of her face.

"Hi guys!" Vida sat down on the armchair and started to read the chat and answer messages. "Yeah, I'll wait a couple of minutes for more people to come up. I know, there was no stream for almost two weeks, sorry," she shrugged and winced almost unnoticeably. "But life caught up to me a bit. What will I be playing today? Well, since I have been in a bad mood recently, let's ruin it further because why not? I have had Blair Witch on my Steam for some time... so now will be a good time for a little scare." She read more comments, laughed softly and stuck out her tongue. "Sorry, boys, no biceps flexing until the hundred bucks limit. C'mon, you know the rules."

I was sitting on the edge of my seat and watched her every move, every grimace, smile and look of her eyes. Soon she started to play the game and the view of her face was now in the corner of the screen - the rest was filled with the gameplay, but I didn't care about it at all. I was looking only at her, feeling like a creep, like a voyeur or a stalker. But I couldn't help it. I missed her so much.

There was a counter of donations Vida was receiving and people were sending her two, three, sometimes ten dollars. After an hour of playing she already had 80 bucks, which was a nice profit. She was getting a lot of messages, they were mostly funny or kind. The viewers were commenting on her game and complimenting her look. Some of the messages were provocative, and even a few were straight offensive, but Vida was dealing with them smartly and wittily. One dickhead sent her one dollar (which probably destroyed his home budget) and asked 'Luna, when do you finally show us your pu$$y on OnlyFans? We've been waiting way too long'. Vida just laughed and answered "Right after you'll move out of your mama's basement and stop jerking off into your socks."

There were a lot of requests for her to flex her muscles, like really a lot! It made me realize that there was quite a big market for women with muscular bodies. Vida could have a much different career if not for her burden. She could be a full-time model, bodybuilder, trainer, there were so many possibilities for her… 

But still, I admired the way she found to monetize her look without exposing herself on OnlyFans or other adult sites, like that creep suggested. And I understood why she chose streaming games. There was no need for involvement nor attachment, like every normal job would be. If her life eventually forced her, she could disappear from Twitch and no one even would have known who she really was. It was convenient for her, but I found it very sad.

I watched her interacting with the viewers, joking and laughing, at the same time knowing that it was all acting. That she created a persona, with which not only she could earn money, but also… escape from the bleak reality. That it was only a mask underneath which Vida was unhappy, desperate and lonely. And among all of the few hundred viewers, only I knew this. It was killing me.

So I reached her... and sent her a one hundred dollar donation. I cringed doing this, again as if I was doing something immoral. There was a template to fill before sending a donation and for a moment I was tempted to put my real name there, but I decided against it. I wouldn't want Vida to know that I stalked her on the web. Let alone to think that I was giving her a handout. Therefore, I put a quickly made up, but a bit telling nickname. I wrote nothing in the message, then clicked send and waited.

After maybe a half of a minute, a robotic voice announced my donate. Vida's eyes widened in surprise when she heard that.

"Oh my goodness, thank you very much... uhm... IceViking!" I could swear that something in her expression changed, like a micro grimace, when she read my nickname. As if she asked herself if that could be me... But she quickly recomposed herself and added with a joyful tone. "Well, my dear viewers, thanks to his contribution we've reached way beyond the limit! So, IceViking, there is a double bicep for you!"

She smiled and adjusted her cam, then lifted both arms and flexed her biceps. They literally exploded in the air! Like peaks of two mountains. I was astonished by that view. She held her arms like that for a couple of seconds, then giggled a bit timidly and returned to the game.

Vida was so strong, yet so vulnerable. I realized that I first time saw Vida posing with her muscles like this. That I never asked her for this in real life. Perhaps I should, maybe she would feel more appreciated by me then? More accepted?

But at that moment I made a promise to myself. I will ask her for that someday. Because I will find her. No matter what. I will not abandon her.