I mean, I'm handicaped, and pretty badly.
I used to be able to do whatever I wanted. I ran a lot, lifted a ton and could jump, climb and swim really well. I was a nationally medaled javelin thrower and skier when I was a teen. I could frontflip, backflip and globally do anything I like with just a bit of training. I actually thought about becoming a FBB at one point. But I lost it all to some crippling chronic pain. I went from a life filled to the brim with what I consider to be the apex of sensory bliss, to that life filled with bodily boredom. Obviously there are other aspects to the problem.
I can barely walk a mile now without my body nailing me to a bed for the following week.
Anyways, I just have a hard time handling it. I was jacked at one point, and to be fair I still look decent, but I am slowly building up fat. (It's been 11 years now, so the build up took time actuually, which I guess is good)
But yeah... I miss it so much that sometimes, watching other people practicing a sport they like or challenging themselves to something they never attempted before, I get jealous.
I'm not proud of it, but it is a really hard pill to swallow for me. I thought I could heal until recently, but I've been told there's nothing that can be done. So yeah... Not fun
I guess I'm lucky I always loved books, video games cinema and all (I also have amazing friends), cause that's basically what gives me what little happiness I have. To be fair, I might not have survived were it not for those things.
It's kind of a venting post really, sorry for that
But if anyone shares a similar history or just wants to talk about it, well I believe that's what this thread is about, and I'd be pleased to talk about it.
