Firenze, Italia
Lucky son of a... Always wanted to go there. Thank god for Assassin's Creed 2.
Anyhoo,
Muskegon, MI (that's the state that looks like America's bitch-slap)
Fun facts:
-It's right on Lake Michigan. There is a nice beach, but you can't go there in the summer with all the bloody out-of-towners hogging all the good parts on the beach, leaving the rocky crags by the piers, or the part right in front of the Waste Treatment facility.
-People from all states somehow flock here and drive terribly with mouths agape and lost expressions on their faces, unable to fathom how to make a "Michigan left" turn. All just to see some damned leaves change color in Autumn.
-It was once a Native American village before European settlers kicked them out.
-The downtown area has been under reconstruction and planning for the better part of a decade with absolutely no progress being made. Oh, they did build a statue of Buster Keaton (more on him below) and a bizarre roundabout in an odd, out of the way location for some reason.
-It's home to the USS Silversides, a decommissioned Gato-class WWII era submarine. It was featured in a shitty movie called Below, which was partially filmed on Lake Michigan. Never saw it? Neither did anyone in Muskegon.
-Iggy Pop, Jim Bakker, and Wayne Static are from here. This teaches children that if you want to be somebody, you have to leave town before it's too late.
-Buster Keaton lived in Muskegon as a kid for a summer or two but never returned as an adult. This fact is played up enormously to get people to come here. Er... the fact about him living here, that is. Not the fact that he didn't come back.
-It was once a lumber town, called "The Lumber Queen of the Great Lakes" or somesuch. Wood from the sawmills helped reconstruct Chicago after the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. Once the wood ran out, the town died. This happened like 100 years ago.
-Residents will start a beer tent at the drop of a hat, with little to no provocation or reasoning.
-Washed up bands from the '70s and new bands that made binding contractual agreements before they were famous and can't opt out play at a summer celebratory festival, aptly titled "Summer Celebration"
-There are about 15 different music festivals going on at once sometimes. This ranges from a pretty neat-o Irish folk music festival, to Christian 'music' extravaganza, hold all the excitement and cheer.
-Annoying redneck motorcycle riders flock en masse downtown during the summer for the creatively titled "Bike Time." This includes people in their 50s and 60s, like my dentist and former teachers, try to cling to their wasted youth, slap on some leather and generally be loud and obnoxious. When not consuming overpriced, watered down Miller Lite swill or ogling girls in bikinis young enough to be their daughters, they tool around, congesting traffic and generally making a mess of things for the latter half of July.
-It's only like an hour away from Grand Rapids.
Visit Beautiful Muskegon! A place that's nice to leave!
