Forum Saradas
Female BodyBuilding & Fitness & Figure - Members Area => Tastes and opinions of Saradas members => Topic started by: Musclelover321_ on August 07, 2019, 12:12:39 am
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Hey Everyone whos reading,
I am in a long term relationship with a girl who finds muscle on girls gross. I dont know what to do as I finally realized it will never work out as she will never have the body I dream of her having to fulfill my love for muscles on girls. I have done sessions with girls without her knowing and the first time was to see whether my love for muscle was just a phase, but turns out that I cant live without it. I feel guilty for doing this behind her back, but I have tried over and over to convince her to put on muscle, but nothing has worked. I am also scared to tell anyone of my love for muscular women as I feel like people wont look at me the same after. The session girls always tell me to pursue muscular women for dating if thats what I like, but its hard to breakup with someone who youve been dating for more than 5 years. I would love anyones advice on what I should do about this relationship and whether I should just call it quits with her and start fresh.
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I am in a long term relationship with a girl
Ok. Cool. How many years?
who finds muscle on girls gross.
Ok. If you're on this site, why are you with this woman?
I have done sessions with girls without her knowing and the first time was to see whether my love for muscle was just a phase, but turns out that I cant live without it.
Ok. I don't see the problem, but others will judge you differently. More honesty in a partnership is usually healthier.
I feel guilty for doing this behind her back
Not OK. If you feel guilty, you probably should not be doing it. That's your own assessment of your behavior.
but I have tried over and over to convince her to put on muscle
Not OK. 100% not OK. I get wanting your partner to be the object of all your desires, but it's not her thing. If she's told you something is "gross", why would you think she should - let alone would - strive to pursue that thing?
I am also scared to tell anyone of my love for muscular women as I feel like people wont look at me the same after.
Are you talking about needing a therapist? Or going into a confessional? Or more like talking with other people in a social setting about what you're attracted to?
The session girls always tell me to pursue muscular women for dating if thats what I like
Yup. They're your therapists. ;)
but its hard to breakup with someone who youve been dating for more than 5 years.
Ohhh....that is a long time. But, you're neither married nor fulfilled, so you'll need to figure it out.
I would love anyones advice on what I should do about this relationship and whether I should just call it quits with her and start fresh.
That's a long time together, so there's probably a lot that you like about one another. I'd tell her you have this need and explain to her that, x times a year, you need to meet with your therapist in order to take care of it. I commend you on maintaining a stable relationship (even with hiding your therapy sessions), so based on the time alone, I think you're telling us - and yourself - that the relationship could be worth it.
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Don't stay if you're not truly happy. Life is too short to not pursue your goals. Do you really want to be in this same position next year? Or in 10 year's time?
I did what you did and stayed in a relationship that wasn't really what I wanted. Breaking up was hard, but afterwards I realised I should have done it earlier. I was finally free to do exactly what I wanted.
Also, your goal of having a muscular girlfriend is achievable, but you'll never know if you don't try.
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Hey Everyone whos reading,
I am in a long term relationship with a girl who finds muscle on girls gross. I dont know what to do as I finally realized it will never work out as she will never have the body I dream of her having to fulfill my love for muscles on girls. I have done sessions with girls without her knowing and the first time was to see whether my love for muscle was just a phase, but turns out that I cant live without it. I feel guilty for doing this behind her back, but I have tried over and over to convince her to put on muscle, but nothing has worked. I am also scared to tell anyone of my love for muscular women as I feel like people wont look at me the same after. The session girls always tell me to pursue muscular women for dating if thats what I like, but its hard to breakup with someone who youve been dating for more than 5 years. I would love anyones advice on what I should do about this relationship and whether I should just call it quits with her and start fresh.
Dude. That's pretty sad. But you brought this onto yourself.
But instead of judging, here's how to salvage the situation with least possible drama - and maybe even unexpected positive outcome.
1. You need to come clean. Seriously. It's eating you up, so you will feel relief. That is one positive thing about it regardless of the consequences. Besides, women value honesty, even if it is after the fact.
Possible outcomes:
a) she breaks up. you're free. You can start over with a girl with more muscles or one who wants to be muscular and needs the motivation from you. --> fine.
You need to be able to be single though. But clinging to a relationship just to be not alone is not cool. There is a possibility that you stay friends (highly advised!)
b) she values your honesty and does not break up.
Either she is cool with you getting other inspiration because she can't give it to you, but if otherwise it's a great relationship, this will be no further problem. --> fine
c) She is totally surprised that you are so serious about muscles and does not break up, instead looking for a way to satisfy you.
Have you tried muscle worshipping? you know, flexing is hot. And it's a little workout. Frequent flexing makes your muscles grow a bit.
Possible outcome: she grows fond of it, because YOU like it. What starts as making you happy suddenly changes her opinion when she starts looking at the mirror when posing. --> fine
You see: all outcomes are positive. So come the f*** clean!
2. the future
Choosing a girl.
You need to be soulmates. there is nothing better. Don't go for anything else, or worst: just the looks. Nothing good ever comes from it.
Physically, you might want to look for:
a) already muscular girls. No risk - she's probably into being admired and loves her muscles.
b) the BBW/Curvy type. These girls have maybe body issues and tried to work out. From experience: Many have huge hidden muscles but are not aware this is a turnon for some.
Worship their muscles. Chances are high that they are motivated to work out, getting pretty thick or huge.
c) the athletic slim "naturally ripped" type. Many of these girls try to put on weight. They mostly enjoy flexing their muscles. Much fun expected, and they might want to grow.
But as I said: She must be also a souimate!
Come clean from the beginning! Tell a girl about your fetish when you get to a certain base (your choice, but DO IT!).
More luck in the future.
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Let`s talk plainly. You had better be obscenely wealthy or have a magic penis because that is the only way you are going to attract the kind of woman willing to be with a man who is solely fixated on her physical attributes. The terms you need to familiarize yourself with are 'Trophy Wife' 'Sugar Daddy' and 'Gold Digger.'
It sounds like you have OCD - obsessive-compulsive disorder. You are obsessed with muscular women to the point where it prevents you from having a normal relationship. This is no different than alcoholism or gambling addiction. It is a self-destructive urge and I believe that the only solution is to stop it altogether. Most of us here have a strong attraction to muscles but we are able to fit it into our lives without it causing any damage but from what you are telling us, you can`t.
Don`t listen to anything anybody here says except this. GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!
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She is also stuck in a relationship with you. Dragging someone through that for 5 years in hopes that she will conform to what you want her to be is selfish to the maximum and you should feel guilty about it. But you probably won’t because if you had an ounce of decency you would have let her move on long ago.
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Larky 368, that is the worst advice ever. He doesn't need help,he just needs to leave that relationship. Just dump her and you will feel so much better.
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Hey everyone,
Thank you all for the advice and I will be contacting a shrink for help on this issue of mine. I haven't ended the relationship before because I genuinely do love her and compared to other relationships we're pretty great together, and she's the first long term relationship I've been in with so it makes even harder for me to leave as shes all I've known since highschool. Flexomatic, I am also going to take your advice as well and come out to her about my fetish and just hope for the best because I can't hold this in and think its best to decide what's next for me and her.
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What would you all advise him if he was married?
To reach a compromise with the wife somehow?
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Let`s talk plainly. You had better be obscenely wealthy or have a magic penis because that is the only way you are going to attract the kind of woman willing to be with a man who is solely fixated on her physical attributes. The terms you need to familiarize yourself with are 'Trophy Wife' 'Sugar Daddy' and 'Gold Digger.'
It sounds like you have OCD - obsessive-compulsive disorder. You are obsessed with muscular women to the point where it prevents you from having a normal relationship. This is no different than alcoholism or gambling addiction. It is a self-destructive urge and I believe that the only solution is to stop it altogether. Most of us here have a strong attraction to muscles but we are able to fit it into our lives without it causing any damage but from what you are telling us, you can`t.
Don`t listen to anything anybody here says except this. GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!
Larky 368, that is the worst advice ever. He doesn't need help,he just needs to leave that relationship. Just dump her and you will feel so much better.
Actually, Larky 368's advice is the best and yours was the worst. If dumping her was that easy for him, he wouldn't be on this forum asking for help.
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Assuming there's some physical attraction despite the lack of muscle? There's an alternative to her fulfilling your fetish. Abandon this world. Embrace "normalcy." Appreciate what you've got. Start by cutting yourself off for a month. See if you find yourself more attracted to her. That's a lot easier road than Plan B, giving up on regular women and hunting unicorns.
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Hey everyone,
Thank you all for the advice and I will be contacting a shrink for help on this issue of mine. I haven't ended the relationship before because I genuinely do love her and compared to other relationships we're pretty great together, and she's the first long term relationship I've been in with so it makes even harder for me to leave as shes all I've known since highschool. Flexomatic, I am also going to take your advice as well and come out to her about my fetish and just hope for the best because I can't hold this in and think its best to decide what's next for me and her.
You don't need a shrink for the fetish. Maybe you need a shrink for not being able to come clean with your feelings. That's another story.
So this sounds like a resilient relationship - don't give it up - TELL HER TODAY.
Here's one thing to consider:
In the past, you just hinted at her to work out. Or putting on some "hypothetical" muscle. In her mind, she was probably thinking: "He thinks I'm too fat." Even if she's a regular girl. Hearing muscle, she thinks of roided beefcake girls in contest shape.
If you're not talking to her, you will not be able to show her in detail how beautiful and feminine a regular muscular woman in off-season shape can be.
You need to tell her that you want to share everything with her - also your fetish. I am pretty sure she will understand your problem. Do tell her that you love her. This seems genuine, don't give it up. It's more important than your fetish.
I have told every girl I dated about my "thing" before anything happened and it was fine most of the time. Most were relieved that I'm not into really weird stuff.
So here's the thing: I am pretty sure that talking about muscular woman and actually engaging in muscle worshipping or fun wrestling in bed are totally different things for your girlfriend.
She does seem to make you happy, so I am sure she will try some muscle related stuff. Here's where the magic happens: because you get turned on by her muscles (I hope flexing does it for you), she gets turned on by your turnon.
This tension merges into something that could make your thing also her thing. As I said - I have experienced that first hand. Some girls just don't know it yet...
When my last girlfriend wanted to know more about my fetish, she literally made me jerk off to my favourite videos and was observing what turned me on. This was a great experience in itself, but afterwards she knew exactly how to get me. There was never any problem in that area.
Many girls are just cool if you are open and honest. Considering you're a bit late, it's maybe a bit more difficult, on the other hand, you are much less under pressure and if she loves you, she will not want to lose you to some problem that is solvable.
Good luck! Don't break up. Talk. And here's another thing: if she is a very impulsive or emotional person, don't be offended if she reacts heavily at first. Stay calm, do not engage in insults, even if she starts it. You love her, let her know, let her know your remorse and shame and try to focus on the future.
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Flexomatic you need to stop assuming that all or most women are like your girlfriends. It`s so easy to suggest telling her about his fetish but you don`t have to live with the consequences. I don`t know about the women you have met but the ones I know are pretty insecure and touchy about their bodies and about being compared to unrealistic celebrities models and porn stars. It`s bad enough for them to know that they will never be as beautiful and sexy as these women but to learn that they are inferior in his eyes to bulky hideously muscled wannabe men would be even more insulting.
You don`t need a shrink because you have a fetish. You need one if you can`t control it and your life is adversely affected by it.
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Flexomatic you need to stop assuming that all or most women are like your girlfriends. It`s so easy to suggest telling her about his fetish but you don`t have to live with the consequences. I don`t know about the women you have met but the ones I know are pretty insecure and touchy about their bodies and about being compared to unrealistic celebrities models and porn stars. It`s bad enough for them to know that they will never be as beautiful and sexy as these women but to learn that they are inferior in his eyes to bulky hideously muscled wannabe men would be even more insulting.
You don`t need a shrink because you have a fetish. You need one if you can`t control it and your life is adversely affected by it.
Why are you assuming someone wants his girlfriend to look like Paige Dumars or Iris Kyle? We are talking about integrating your fetish into the relationship and making it work instead of comparing to some unrealistic image.
A slim girl who's having fun flexing her muscles and is actually there is much more appealing than pixels on the screen, you know!
If the fetish is controlling you, okay, I can see the problem.
But first of all, we are talking about honesty. This is the biggest problem - hiding the fetish. I am talking about making it work without having to break up with a great girlfriend.
The outlook isn't so bad for the original poster of this thread.
I don't know why you meet mostly girls with a mindset of judging themselves too harshly. Those girls aren't compared to celebs, they compare themselves. Most guys don't do that.
I seem to meet more girls who don't have body issues, or at least I can make them feel beautiful because I don't compare. Also, I don't live in the US. Body issues seem quite common there.
My fetish is also more about attitude, not looks. As I said, fun with flexing is just great.
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He already said that she hates muscles on women so we must assume that she is not going to participate in his fetish. You want him to be honest and reveal his fetish but what if she thinks it's sick and perverted and breaks up with him? Would you say that it's best that he find out how unreasonable and intolerant she is and is better off without her? Maybe he's the one being unreasonable. "I love you honey but I wish you would lift weights because it turns me on." How is that any different than 'normal' guys saying "I love you honey but your tits are too small and I wish you would get implants because I love big boobs?" Most women would be furious about being asked to undergo such significant transformations and be in doubt about the strength of the relationship.
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He already said that she hates muscles on women so we must assume that she is not going to participate in his fetish. You want him to be honest and reveal his fetish but what if she thinks it's sick and perverted and breaks up with him? Would you say that it's best that he find out how unreasonable and intolerant she is and is better off without her? Maybe he's the one being unreasonable. "I love you honey but I wish you would lift weights because it turns me on." How is that any different than 'normal' guys saying "I love you honey but your tits are too small and I wish you would get implants because I love big boobs?" Most women would be furious about being asked to undergo such significant transformations and be in doubt about the strength of the relationship.
Who cares? You get to decide the parameters for your relationships and he gets to choose his. The guy who's actively participating on *this* forum is not some casual fan. He didn't stumble here by accident and decide to talk about a fetish of his that is some take-it-or-leave-it deal. It means a lot to him. And if he didn't value the woman and his relationship, he would not be trying to incorporate the fetish into their relationship. But at the same time, yes, she gets to choose what works for her. Assuming that what he's saying is true regarding her feelings about muscular women, given that what he's into disgusts her, how long do you think this relationship will/should last?
People have a right to seek happiness on their own terms with other consenting adults. That's not unreasonable at all. "Unreasonable" is trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, which - in this case - is him trying to get her to become the object of his physical desires. That's wrong, but outside of that.....he's saying he wants to be honest with his partner and wants his partner to indulge him on some level.
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He already said that she hates muscles on women so we must assume that she is not going to participate in his fetish. You want him to be honest and reveal his fetish but what if she thinks it's sick and perverted and breaks up with him? Would you say that it's best that he find out how unreasonable and intolerant she is and is better off without her? Maybe he's the one being unreasonable. "I love you honey but I wish you would lift weights because it turns me on." How is that any different than 'normal' guys saying "I love you honey but your tits are too small and I wish you would get implants because I love big boobs?" Most women would be furious about being asked to undergo such significant transformations and be in doubt about the strength of the relationship.
You obviously did not understand what I am saying. Also, I outlined every possibility of unfolding of events and the impact they have on his relationship. I think he's pretty much covered.
As for your remark about "forcing his fetish on his girlfriend":
I can only repeat myself: choosing between basically cheating on his girlfriend and trying to be honest and have her experience his fetish in some roleplaying, to see what she really thinks of it, the second one is certainly the better option.
I have myself been in a relationship long ago where the girl was really not into muscle stuff. She did it because I liked it, and other things I did because she liked it. The reasons for breakup were totally different ones.
Relationships are also about arrangements of interests. You cannot expect everything to be on a silver platter. Some things you discover and grow into, even if you were not interested at first.
But if there is real attraction and soulmateship, there is no reason to believe that some things can be spiced up for the sake of the other's enjoyment, because you enjoy seeing your partner enjoy something.
You seem to think very black and white. Either it's perfect or asking someone to do something is like a military order that totally disrespects the other person. Both scenarios are very unlikely to be true.
And there is a possibility that *she* has some unfulfilled fantasy that she now reveals because her boyfriend does so with his fetish.
What about that? It might even be something that he wouldn't think of. Suddenly there's two things to explore together.
It is about keeping an open mind for your partner. How about that? Can you not see how love should be about that?
If it's not working out, it is not working out. Let this guy at least consider every possibility.
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Sometimes... you really have to ask yourself... no... ask the world a deep and nigh impossible question...
What IS love?
Then... you have to beg it it and your baby not to hurt you.
Joking aside, this is definitely one of my favorite topics to cover here with some of the only people in the world that will get it, so I think you made an awesome choice to come here and air out your issue.
I think what sucks the most, is that none of the advice you get will really feel tailor made, nor are any of us credible experts outside of people who live with similar conditions to you. There's a certain, surprisingly unwarranted, feeling of being an outcast that comes from what feels like an OVERWHELMING attraction to muscle in women. And when you've managed to suppress this attraction for such a long time and build an entire life that treats it as an anomaly or outside force you may not even accept it after you find someone sympathetic or interested in it albiet at a different pace to you. This is especially true when it's their body.
That's certainly been my problem over the years. Meet a girl, get close, tell her what I like, she's cool about it and even flexes or works out for me, and I'm still freaking out thinking I made a mistake. Thinking I could do better. Thinking I didn't explain my situation or my expectations properly. I'm still causing problems after getting the relationship moving in a direction that I want.
So I agree that you should come clean to her as it will help with your peace of mind, but like all solutions, it will invite new problems. Problems that you'll need to be ready for too. Problems like wanting more from her body after she agreed to accept you. Problems like getting over her if she decides to leave you. Problems like, dealing with the fact that she is completely nonchalant about what FEELS like the most important part of your life and sexuality. My god... the people who treat my musclepreciation like regular shit that everyone goes through can actually infuriate me more. I'm not saying their wrong, but all my suffering in my teens means so much less if I suffered over regular ass, everyday problems.
I honestly don't know how therapy will help, but if you get some and it does, please start a blog or something and keep us updated. Because there is very little credible information on our particular crosssection of fetish and lifestyle. And we're all so different - from the types of women we like, to the types of relationships we ultimately want. Do you know what kind of relationship you ultimately want? I've found I don't think about that near enough. What exactly are you looking for? What's your ideal relationship whether its with the woman you're with now or someone else? Do you want her to backtrack on her "muscles are gross" foolishness and grow for you? Do you want to inspire her somehow to grow for herself while you reap the benefits? Do you want carte blanche to do sessions? Or do you just want to venture out into the world and find muscle wherever you can and enjoy it. It's obvious you want to stay together, but you can't as the relationship is now. 5 years is a long time to endure what began in the first month.
I think the best thing we can do for each other here is keep dialogues like this open, and listen and remove judgement from our words to one another as much as possible. We all struggle in our own ways when it comes to being this hard into hard. Larky368 is offering up some tough love, but I don't think his takes are wrong necessarily. All that we seem to agree on is that honesty is better than secrets, love is better than fear, and muscle is important to us. Perhaps the most important thing in our minds. That makes relationships hard, but not because of the muscle, it's because we refuse to acknowledge that importance cause we think we're crazy or broken.
You're not crazy or broken. You're not weird or wrong. Hopefully you can open up and share with your significant other and make that known and have her agree with you. However, even if she does not... it doesn't mean she's right about it. So good luck muscle lust brother.