Why are we not more open about this? Or why do we hate ourselves?

[bronx_bomberman]

I won't lie to you. Some women are very insecure and would not handle it well. Don't date badly insecure people - that solves a lot of problems up front.

When I told my wife about it many years ago, basically I said that this is hardwired, I didn't pick it, and it is just one thing on the spectrum of what I think is attractive (true). I don't like it to the exclusion of other things. I downplay the extremes, but I also don't act ashamed at all when she asks me what I want. Why should I be? Fundamentally what I want is her, because I love her.

Being matter-of-fact and nonchalant about it seems to work best. It's less threatening. "This is a thing I like, I know it's unusual. I like it about you too but I'm not going to force it on you because that'd be weird. You could use this to tease me if you want, and I'd go crazy for it, but you turn me on as it is and you don't have to."

Couples should have open dialogue about what they like anyway. Can't be overeager, but if this is something you like just be tactfully open about it.

Good luck out there.

[outmuscled]

I certainly don't have any negative feelings about my attraction to muscular woman, and I'd rather call it a kink than a fetish, as that's a more positive AND accurate word for it.
But that said, it's not something I would advertise openly. That's not because it's shameful, but because sexual proclivities are private and are revealed in intimate situations.
Everybody's sexual habits can look equally tawdry when held up to the light, whether it's dressing up, anal, big tits, BDSM, etc even though they're all normal.
So no, "internalised homophobia" doesn't come into it for me. These are women and no matter how masculine they come, it's the fact that a woman can present like that which generates the thrill.

I have revealed my attraction to female strength to some women, when the time seemed right, and it has to be said they've given mixed reactions, but I tink that's down to their own bodily insecurities and the fact that they've also internalised the same societal gender ideas.
The majority of women don't want to physically dominate or emasculate men, because it makes them feel unfeminine.
I had one girlfriend tell me she thought I was gay, because I liked feeling her arms. She was a petite little thing with tight peaked little biceps, but she was clearly embarassed about her "big ugly arms", a remnant of a more tomboyish surfing lifestyle she'd left behind.

Another big strong one virtually threw me onto the bed on our first date, and on my second night in her bed we somehow got to wrestling, without every actually saying anything and she had the upper hand all the way but couldn't quite finish me off. Then she said something like "You seem to like this horseplay" and said I mustn't be trying that hard, and when I replied that I was she seemed to get a bit uneasy and soon let me win. Within a minute, she was opining that women should be women and men should be men!
She was a big heavy woman (she had at least 40 pounds on me and had also done some weight training) and rather than taking pride in her strength, what clearly went through her mind was that she'd overwhelmed me because she was too big and fat, and I think that's what was behind her sudden retreat into submissive girliness.
She'd squealed in delight a little earlier when I picked her up in a bearhug and said not many men could do that, so it wasn't as if I was some sort of wimp in the line up of macho men she'd dated either. Like I said, I think she just didn't know her strength and had body issues.
Both women were keen to keep dating me though, so it wasn't some big deal breaker and I've probably given their words more thought than they did.

Another one however was very pleased with herself at the fact that I got so hard when she picked me up in a bearhug and carried me a few steps.
She enquired gently about it as we lay in bed afterwards and I tried to brush it off lightly by just saying I hadn't realised how strong she was and it felt good. I don't think she quite got it, but she definitely liked that her stocky powerful body could excite me with its physical prowess.
She then got talking about how she used to be 140 pounds of muscle when she was fit but now she was a flabby 185 pounds and she wished she could get her old figure back, so she had a much more positive view of female strength.

It's interesting that secretkitten mentions genderbending, because I think that's definitely part of the kink, and it does capture something of the shock of role reversal I'd get just standing beside a big bodybuilder and displaying our bodies to each other.
I remember one big masculine fbb glibly throwing genderbending into a list of her hobbies on some website years ago, and my thought at the time was that it wasn't just her gender she was bending, but that of most men who encountered her too. Just as surely as a huge black star bends and warps the space around it.
So the embarassment about admitting to this kink may be due to the role-reversal aspect and the fact that these women trigger a submissive impulse in me (though I'm not really a sub or interested in BDSM) which are both feelings men aren't supposed to want or admit to in public. And both men and women often publically disapprove of women who look masculine.

[Ncsn]

This is something that has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks. I actually came to recognize my attraction to muscular women pretty late in the game; I was in my late 30’s when I came across Diana the Valkyrie’s site on that new ‘internet’ thing, and it blew my mind. It got me drawing again, which has become a huge thing in my life. Doing muscular women art has actually helped me deal with my then-20 years old war PTSD (long story) and get back on track in life.
This art has been a very large part of my life those past 20 years, but I’ve almost never shared it with people IRL. The first time I did was at the beginning; I showed some drawings to a good friend, and he was shocked and pretty disgusted (and those were just fairly innocent pin-ups, mind you). It didn’t effect our relationship, but I felt uncomfortable and didn’t show it to another male friend till recently. Women are another thing - had no problem showing stuff to a good female friend (who was just fine with it). Significantly, I did NOT show it to her husband, who has been a close friend for many years.
So, a few weeks ago I showed a painting I did to one of my best friends - there was a funny story behind my creating it, and I showed it to accompany it. Now, this guy has been my friend for 43 years, and is one of the smartest, most generous and most open and liberal people I know (also a loving and supportive father to a lesbian woman). His reaction (via text message)? “Good god, how can you like this?! She looks like a man!”

I didn’t really react to this, and we haven’t talked about it since. But I have been thinking about it. I’m very lucky to have family and friends who love me - why wouldn’t I share this thing, which is so significant to me, with them? It’s not as if they see me as some paragon of normalcy. They are all aware of my struggles with PTSD, which has been effecting my life for decades, and have all been very supportive; why wouldn’t I share it with them? They only see the “normal” stuff I create, which is not a lot, and keep asking me why I don’t do more. I love my muscular female art, I’m proud of it - why can’t I share it with the people I love? What am I afraid of? Or is it the polite/decent thing to do - I will cause them disgust/discomfort, just so I’ll feel a little better about myself (which I probably won’t, anyway...)? They will NOT appreciate it, why bother them? So they’re not familiar with a segment of my life - who says they need to be?

Yup, quite the conundrum...

btw: I believe I would have no problem dating a muscular woman. I had a girlfriend in my university days who was a kayak rower and fairly buff; my friends couldn’t understand my attraction to her (and neither did I, apparently), but I was very happy and had no problem with appearances.

[jdm022]

Well...if you want to be around a group of guys and girls who almost all appreciate muscular women...join a good, competitive CrossFit gym.  It's the only place I've found anywhere in 40+ years of searching that openly accept and even compliment muscular women.

No one makes comments like, "she looks like a man"...instead...it's like, "Damn dudes, Susie is jacked." and it's very complimentary...

I've dated 3 girls from Crossfit in the last 4 years, one petite fit girl and two that were very buff...i gave them all glowing compliments about their muscular physiques and they loved it. (however, my non-CrossFit friends and family made negative comments about them initially because of their muscles...why people are so jealous of this or for some reason are grossed out by muscular woman blows me away).

It's weird that we live in a world where you can date a fat chick and no one blinks an eye...you date a muscular chick and all of a sudden, everyone has a fucking opinion....oh well....my two cents...good luck out there.
 

[tarzan7]

Well...if you want to be around a group of guys and girls who almost all appreciate muscular women...join a good, competitive CrossFit gym.  It's the only place I've found anywhere in 40+ years of searching that openly accept and even compliment muscular women.

No one makes comments like, "she looks like a man"...instead...it's like, "Damn dudes, Susie is jacked." and it's very complimentary...

I've dated 3 girls from Crossfit in the last 4 years, one petite fit girl and two that were very buff...i gave them all glowing compliments about their muscular physiques and they loved it. (however, my non-CrossFit friends and family made negative comments about them initially because of their muscles...why people are so jealous of this or for some reason are grossed out by muscular woman blows me away).

It's weird that we live in a world where you can date a fat chick and no one blinks an eye...you date a muscular chick and all of a sudden, everyone has a fucking opinion....oh well....my two cents...good luck out there.

To your point I played in a co-ed charity slow softball tournament once a couple of years ago,  players who were teens up to 50s or so. It was a round robin event, you keep playing until you lose once. We had an extended family squad but other teams were local businesses, county workers, etc. we got lucky and won two games but lost the third. As we left the field my cousin who is my age pointed at the next team coming over, an all-woman team of sanitation workers. They were all fit, not FBBs but they were buff, in form fitting uniforms and many were gorgeous. Some of the guys, like me, said, “Wow,” out of earshot of the sanitation workers. One of my single cousins said, “I’d like to slide into second base with one of them.” To which one of the older ladies of our family responded, “You’d never survive, any one of them would kill ya.” Everyone laughed, made a few jokes, but in general we all admired their looks. And... they could play softball. Maybe attitudes are changing. You never know.

[Prophaniti]

Most of my buddies know my preference. They might rib me about it once in a while, but i figure its fair game considering how much i make fun of them for complaining about things when they have kids. No one really asks about it, but I think that's because I told them "remember this, the amazons are what I tell you about freely. Just imagine the kinda shit I hold back"